Stylized in the latest fashion from Durango's Incorporated this years Chumbawumba Dance Off champion is Julio Cesar Chavez. He was in 50's now but the bastard could still groove to any beat. Mexican, Spanish or 90's BritPop...HibernoPop. His leg work was incredible. On the floor this man was on fire. He blew away the competition and he blew the judges going for the win. Even though he had the best dance moves he refused to lose. Ever since his boxing career ended he became obssessive about winning everything he got involved in. Blowjobs. Dancing. Cake Decorating.
Thats where his passion lied. He convinced himself that he was going to be the next Cake Boss. He saw the show and fell in love with it. Cakes. Cakes. Cakes became everything to him. He even gave blowjobs with a cake in his mouth and in the mouth of the judges. The dance steps he performed were layered in his mind with cake. The cherry on top was the Michael Jackson oOoOo crotch grab which gave the judges semi-erections and wet tongues recalling they were just blown by him and how good the cake was. Straight 10s. And thats how Julio liked it.
He went celebrating afterwards. Went to a bar. He ordered a Chocolate Cake Martini. And another and another. Feeling loose and free. He chatted up the bartender.
- You know why I am getting these drinks?
- You like chocolate? Its your birthday?
- Well I'm the REAL Cake Boss. I'm Julio Cesar Chavez and everything I do is in cake form.
- .... Would you like another?
- Of course gimme another one those Chocolate Cake drinks, I drink them better than anybody else.
- You sure do champ!
- Wait you know me as a Champ?
- Of course you are Julio Cesar Chavez, one of the best Mexican boxers of all time.
- Oh I thought you were taking about my cake dance tonight. I won the Chumbawumba dance competition. I've been practicing for months. Its big night for me. Boxing was 10 years ago for me. I'm a Cake Boss and a cake dancer now.
- Well congratulations!
- Thank you, would you like a cake blowjob?
- Can't drink on the job but I can give you one.
Julio that night cried himself to sleep. He wanted to be recognized for his achievements. A little ray on love-shine from the rest of humanity. But this was not granted to him. This was too much him. He could not handle it. Chumbawamba had massive world wide hit and he nailed it. It was broadcasted on the world wide web. All over the globe. One could say the entire world could of watched it. He was a broken man.
When will the world let go of the old Julio? Why can't they see the one now? Living now. In this exact moment. Why does it always have to be Julio of yesteryear that people talk to? They talk to a ghost when I am right here. This is too much for me. I'm baking a cyanide cake and eating it too.