I woke this morning from a deep sleep before my alarm went off. I lay there for a moment then grunted and hauled myself out of bed.
In the shower I thought of other mornings. I thought of clear, sunny mornings of woodsmoke and wailing recorded music from the bazaar, wondering how I could skip 5th period math.... I thought of a crystalline bright morning the winter after my father died, snow crunching under my feet as I walked to catch a bus to my warehouse job, tears freezing on my eyelashes. I felt my father everywhere in the frostcovered life. I trudged on, blinded by the sun on the snow, talking to myself like a crazy person, whispering, "I miss you, dad."
The sun shines this morning. I find myself wishing I could skip work. I find myself thinking of love and loss.
Maybe I should just floss my teeth and get on with it, eh?
In the shower I thought of other mornings. I thought of clear, sunny mornings of woodsmoke and wailing recorded music from the bazaar, wondering how I could skip 5th period math.... I thought of a crystalline bright morning the winter after my father died, snow crunching under my feet as I walked to catch a bus to my warehouse job, tears freezing on my eyelashes. I felt my father everywhere in the frostcovered life. I trudged on, blinded by the sun on the snow, talking to myself like a crazy person, whispering, "I miss you, dad."
The sun shines this morning. I find myself wishing I could skip work. I find myself thinking of love and loss.
Maybe I should just floss my teeth and get on with it, eh?
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When I speak of this to my friends I always get varying looks of doubt and distaste. Like they think there's something's wrong with that. Like they think something's wrong with me. There's two things that I can never bring myself to do under any circumstances... I can't fake happiness and I can't fake sadness. I see others able to do this effortlessly and I wonder if they have souls.