I guess I seem to find in SG a friendly place for the emotionalism that lacks in other parts of my life.
so i end up saying things i wish i wouldn't have said or have said differently.
either may 1st or 4th - i'lll start back up full time at my job (hopefully!).
i'm most excited to be more involved in the graphic design and team process again, as well as have at least twice as much money (with twice as much hours) as the cutback. I guess now I know how much this job means to me and, I intend on keeping it. Even though it isn't perfect - it is a perfect START to my life in graphic design. I hope I keep some "at home" hours instead of commuting (every day) now that I'm connected directly to the network.
The Other Issue: The Girl Issue
So I love my boyfriend (probable fiance) - that doesn't mean I have figured myself out yet. Sexuality seems to be more messed up for me than need be. For some reason, I have felt that "i find myself attracted to women more than men enough to worry me that my life is not right for me and i'm most worried that i could hurt him" (him being my very LOVED boyfriend) . . . Obviously this is fucked up . . . My BF is more than perfect - except I wish he would feel more comfortable with the idea of me seeing women once and a while (I'm very shy so this is HIGHLY unlikely in normal circumstances outside of our relationship) . . . but I really haven't felt that female-sexual side of myself through yet, so I don't know if I can be perfect for him or not (as I wish to be!!!). I guess I'm way more confused than I want to be, and I really don't know if anyone gets it since a lot of women seem to have figured out where they fit on the Gay, Bisexual, or Straight slope.
Fuck - I really don't want to sound like a hypocrite douchebag! Confusion is confusing!!!
so i end up saying things i wish i wouldn't have said or have said differently.
either may 1st or 4th - i'lll start back up full time at my job (hopefully!).
i'm most excited to be more involved in the graphic design and team process again, as well as have at least twice as much money (with twice as much hours) as the cutback. I guess now I know how much this job means to me and, I intend on keeping it. Even though it isn't perfect - it is a perfect START to my life in graphic design. I hope I keep some "at home" hours instead of commuting (every day) now that I'm connected directly to the network.
The Other Issue: The Girl Issue
So I love my boyfriend (probable fiance) - that doesn't mean I have figured myself out yet. Sexuality seems to be more messed up for me than need be. For some reason, I have felt that "i find myself attracted to women more than men enough to worry me that my life is not right for me and i'm most worried that i could hurt him" (him being my very LOVED boyfriend) . . . Obviously this is fucked up . . . My BF is more than perfect - except I wish he would feel more comfortable with the idea of me seeing women once and a while (I'm very shy so this is HIGHLY unlikely in normal circumstances outside of our relationship) . . . but I really haven't felt that female-sexual side of myself through yet, so I don't know if I can be perfect for him or not (as I wish to be!!!). I guess I'm way more confused than I want to be, and I really don't know if anyone gets it since a lot of women seem to have figured out where they fit on the Gay, Bisexual, or Straight slope.
Fuck - I really don't want to sound like a hypocrite douchebag! Confusion is confusing!!!
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
darke:
If you feel strongly that you need to figure this out, you need to explain that to your boyfriend, and either break-up or agree to see other people until you know who you are. Committing to someone before you've fully developed your sense of self is a disservice to you both.
erich:
I have to agree. Before making any permanent relationship decisions, make sure you're the person you need to be. You're no good to him or yourself if you're not sure you are with the right person.