treachery

Out of all the conversations with you I never, ever have thought of you as a monster, nor someone who was "crazy". There can be a thin line between sanity and insanity though, I do know that one... and sometimes you do things that make you wonder about your own mind and how you are or arent holding it all together. Things fall apart. period.
It sounds like your pretty isolated and isolation leads to a lot of different things/ feelings. I don't believe that we're meant to be isolated, yet sometimes when people get depressed thats all they want- to be isolated. which just ends up to feed thier sense of unhappiness. If moving is going to help you reconnect with your social support- I say DO IT. Once you feel grounded and supported it will be a lot easier for you to deal with whatever you feel needs to be explored.
I don't know if meds is the answer for you, but it sounds like you're recognizing a pattern that you have and have a tendency to repeat. Just recognizing that there is a repeatitive pattern that exists helps you the next time around... its like you get another chance to not mess- up the same scenario. With my relationship pattern I'm thankful that I get to have a new shot at a seemingly old pattern also, and do things differently. - If you need to talk call me or Dave. I know I dont know you that well but I do care and I know that Dave cares a lot about you. SERIOUSLY. you know the numbers. Hang in there sweetheart!