To AJ: I use music, as well, but I seek out something to vocalize what I know I'm already feeling. It's kind of like therapy for me. I'll drown myself in one emotion or the other, and music can really work shit out in me and I feel better. I like to feel my music. As a dancer, I never learned to count. I just felt it. I just started ballroom dancing and my instructor tells me that he can feel how I feel the music, and don't just listen to it.
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Music is my blood. I have never able to create it, so I have found perfection in everything from a country song to heavy metal. Whatever mood I'm in. Almost all of my favorites, though, are bands that can really but a sexy tone to their songs. I'm a pretty sexual person, so it really makes a lot of sense that I love Maroon5, Marvin Gaye, and Al Green. R. Kelly does a pretty good job, too. It's my favorite feeling...when something supposedly unsexual in any way can crack a smile on my face and then I just want to dance and move. Occasionally, I'm lucky enough to use that energy in a different type of dance
This whole thing with my brother has made me realize that I can feel heartbreak in a different way then I'm used to. The heavy chest, the never-goes-away lump in my throat...it's just like when I'm heartbroken from a relationship. And like all heartbreak, it gets easier and easier to live with. It doesn't weigh so much, but it's still there. I'm going to see him today after my dance lesson, and it's just emptiness afterwards. He is getting better, though, and that's all I want. I've also never felt such a deep love for anyone in my life as I do for my brother right now.
The next two weeks are going to excruciatingly slow, because an answer lies in the last half of the month. I'm nervous, nervous, nervous, and so fucking excited all at once.
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Music is my blood. I have never able to create it, so I have found perfection in everything from a country song to heavy metal. Whatever mood I'm in. Almost all of my favorites, though, are bands that can really but a sexy tone to their songs. I'm a pretty sexual person, so it really makes a lot of sense that I love Maroon5, Marvin Gaye, and Al Green. R. Kelly does a pretty good job, too. It's my favorite feeling...when something supposedly unsexual in any way can crack a smile on my face and then I just want to dance and move. Occasionally, I'm lucky enough to use that energy in a different type of dance
This whole thing with my brother has made me realize that I can feel heartbreak in a different way then I'm used to. The heavy chest, the never-goes-away lump in my throat...it's just like when I'm heartbroken from a relationship. And like all heartbreak, it gets easier and easier to live with. It doesn't weigh so much, but it's still there. I'm going to see him today after my dance lesson, and it's just emptiness afterwards. He is getting better, though, and that's all I want. I've also never felt such a deep love for anyone in my life as I do for my brother right now.
The next two weeks are going to excruciatingly slow, because an answer lies in the last half of the month. I'm nervous, nervous, nervous, and so fucking excited all at once.
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And let me tell you, creating music is frustrating because it is created from the mind and the mind is as far from the soul as dealings of the heart are from logic. The best music in history are written by fuckers that are so far out of thier minds on drugs that all they are creating upon is feeling, instinct and vibration.
I really hope all goes well with your brother doll. And yeah, I completely fucking understand. Most have a greater appreciation for anything that they are close to losing or believe they are going to lose. Anyway I really think I've made this entry way too long so I hope I haven't bored you to fucking tears. It was all me and my opinions largely. Take care..............L8er.........Aj