Note to self... never ask anyone who has a terrible body image and a loads of prejudices and misconceptions about nude art and photography what to do when you're in a bit of a personal moral quandary about these very things. Ironic, considering all of the sex this very person has had. How can she be so repulsed by the human body but still have been drawn into that loser's bed/car/couch/etc for so long? Weird...
Anyway...
Theme of the day has been my sexuality, what it means to me, how it factors into my modeling, and coming to terms with everything. Just a few minutes ago, i was feeling guilty about the fact that i want to see this girl i know naked, and the fact that i was disappointed that i very likely will never get that opportunity, due to recent developments. Why should i feel guilty about that, seriously? I'm a man, after all. Isn't that part of my wiring? The aforementioned friend with the extremely negative preconcieved notions said that it has to do with my morals or something. If so, then what does that mean for me as a model? Or as a photographer? Or for others in the same positions?
Is the implication that for one to be moral, they should be asexual? That there should be no draw toward the opposite sex (or the same if that's your thing) or the sight of an individual you're attracted to? Doesn't that go against nature?
So i'm all kinds of conflicted tonight. I feel guilty about being disappointed that i'm not getting something that's a completely natural thing for me to want. That's like feeling guilty about eating when you're hungry. And in the end it just makes me feel all kinds of stupid, because at my age i shouldn't even be dealing with a guilt issue like this.
But then, maybe this is why i take notes in all caps, eh Dierdre?
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Thats what it seems like to me anyway
from the sounds of things i would venture to assume that you have a profound appreciation and curiousity for the human form. it seems the same to me as the way one would remark to a friend while speculating on a possible scenario or experience. in all areas of life and love, our speculative nature is evident. if something seems especially aesthetically pleasing and we come to realization we may never be privy to it, most absolutely the disappointment would be felt. i certainly do not view it as a moral dilemma. i especially do not believe this type of emotion to be confined to males...
but then again, what the hell do i know...