First off, than you to everyone out there who left kind words for me. We both appreciate it. On that note, i've been seeing babies and pregnant women at work and it's been getting me kinda depressed. I guess that's to be expected, though.
I want a new job. On the same day (poetic, eh?) that we found out that a child will NOT be joining our happy flock in August, i also found out that i did NOT get the martial arts teaching job at the gym i'd applied to. They sent a form letter.
FUCK them.
So now i'm reassessing and trying to figure out what i'm going to do. We were talking tonight and realized that for the six months to a year or so i've felt like i've been going thru life half asleep. Nothing's inspired me to do anything at all with my two passions (art and martial arts) pretty much since i've been in this city. I think that has to do with a lot of things that are in the way.
For one, on the art front, i want my degree. But i can't get one, because i owe the Art Institute a little over 3500 dollars, and they won't release my transcript until they get it, which means no transferring to MiCA. So that's gotta go. I've been steadily paying on it, but it's REALLY GOT TO GO. I also want to have some kind of career with my art (which is why i need the degree), but the only careers in this area that i'm aware of are in graphic design, not animation. I have numerous ideas for art projects and animation series. To bring any of these to fruition requires that i work my tail off on them for NOTHING, money wise, creating storyboards, art and animation samples, character designs, etc. The lack of money (my job really is not great) puts a dampener on the motivation. Also, the fact that these things might not actually go anywhere and all the work might just be for nothing bothers me. I have no control over what happens after showing them to someone for consideration and i can't afford to not bet on a sure thing, y'know? Or at least a 80% chance thing. I used to think i had a few loose connections here and there in the animation industry but my attempts to get in contact with them have yielded nothing at all. So, honestly i'm starting from zero. I feel like i'm just another dreamer with a pencil and a computer.
On the plus side, i did finally get a print account with DeviantArt so at least i can try and sell some prints from there and make a little something on the side. Speaking of that, there's a project on DA where this guy is trying to get people to draw his character so that he can put them in a book and sell it along with his own art. Whoever gets their work accepted gets a free copy of the book. His selling point is "exposure" and "portfolio advancement." I'm of two minds when it comes to this. One half says "go for it! you could get published!" The other half is listening to Cairo and saying "you're not getting any money and that guy will have the rights to use YOUR work however he wants to promote HIS work."
On the martial arts side of things, my kung fu is shit. I mean this on a few levels. For one, my teacher has turned out to be a liar and a cheat. Not to mention the fact that his reading comprehension is about on the level of a third grader. So despite his physical genius, he has no idea what he's talking about when he actually tries to teach someone. Thus, the only reason i'm any good at all is because i trained on my own for so long, even though i was doing the stuff he taught me. Good thing i found some more reputable sources so that i could at least correct things here and there. Honestly i can't say that what ol' Mr. Hammond taught me was useless. When i actually dug into it, i realized what worked and what didn't; it's just that he didn't understand what he was teaching. I'm also out of shape right now. My basics are ok; a little practice will get my flexibility and wind back up. But honestly i think i should just start over if i want to try and make any kind of money training or fighting. Oh yeah that was the other thing. I want to actually try competing. Maybe in six months when i'm back in some real fighting shape? I guess i just want to experiment and see how far it goes.
I guess i'm not sure what to do. I need some kind of goal. A real, achievable goal, not some pie in the sky dreamer shit. On the same token i don't want to set the bar so low that i'm hardly doing anything. But maybe i SHOULD set it low and just get shit done.
Yeah. I think i'll do that. Break everything down to its smallest components and go piece by piece.
I want a new job. On the same day (poetic, eh?) that we found out that a child will NOT be joining our happy flock in August, i also found out that i did NOT get the martial arts teaching job at the gym i'd applied to. They sent a form letter.
FUCK them.
So now i'm reassessing and trying to figure out what i'm going to do. We were talking tonight and realized that for the six months to a year or so i've felt like i've been going thru life half asleep. Nothing's inspired me to do anything at all with my two passions (art and martial arts) pretty much since i've been in this city. I think that has to do with a lot of things that are in the way.
For one, on the art front, i want my degree. But i can't get one, because i owe the Art Institute a little over 3500 dollars, and they won't release my transcript until they get it, which means no transferring to MiCA. So that's gotta go. I've been steadily paying on it, but it's REALLY GOT TO GO. I also want to have some kind of career with my art (which is why i need the degree), but the only careers in this area that i'm aware of are in graphic design, not animation. I have numerous ideas for art projects and animation series. To bring any of these to fruition requires that i work my tail off on them for NOTHING, money wise, creating storyboards, art and animation samples, character designs, etc. The lack of money (my job really is not great) puts a dampener on the motivation. Also, the fact that these things might not actually go anywhere and all the work might just be for nothing bothers me. I have no control over what happens after showing them to someone for consideration and i can't afford to not bet on a sure thing, y'know? Or at least a 80% chance thing. I used to think i had a few loose connections here and there in the animation industry but my attempts to get in contact with them have yielded nothing at all. So, honestly i'm starting from zero. I feel like i'm just another dreamer with a pencil and a computer.
On the plus side, i did finally get a print account with DeviantArt so at least i can try and sell some prints from there and make a little something on the side. Speaking of that, there's a project on DA where this guy is trying to get people to draw his character so that he can put them in a book and sell it along with his own art. Whoever gets their work accepted gets a free copy of the book. His selling point is "exposure" and "portfolio advancement." I'm of two minds when it comes to this. One half says "go for it! you could get published!" The other half is listening to Cairo and saying "you're not getting any money and that guy will have the rights to use YOUR work however he wants to promote HIS work."
On the martial arts side of things, my kung fu is shit. I mean this on a few levels. For one, my teacher has turned out to be a liar and a cheat. Not to mention the fact that his reading comprehension is about on the level of a third grader. So despite his physical genius, he has no idea what he's talking about when he actually tries to teach someone. Thus, the only reason i'm any good at all is because i trained on my own for so long, even though i was doing the stuff he taught me. Good thing i found some more reputable sources so that i could at least correct things here and there. Honestly i can't say that what ol' Mr. Hammond taught me was useless. When i actually dug into it, i realized what worked and what didn't; it's just that he didn't understand what he was teaching. I'm also out of shape right now. My basics are ok; a little practice will get my flexibility and wind back up. But honestly i think i should just start over if i want to try and make any kind of money training or fighting. Oh yeah that was the other thing. I want to actually try competing. Maybe in six months when i'm back in some real fighting shape? I guess i just want to experiment and see how far it goes.
I guess i'm not sure what to do. I need some kind of goal. A real, achievable goal, not some pie in the sky dreamer shit. On the same token i don't want to set the bar so low that i'm hardly doing anything. But maybe i SHOULD set it low and just get shit done.
Yeah. I think i'll do that. Break everything down to its smallest components and go piece by piece.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
sofia:
thanks tiger !
zarth:
I hope things work out for you.