He's leaving me. He promised us 3 months to try to hold our marriage together, to go to counseling, to FIGHT for us and our life together. He acts normal. I'm trying to pull my life back together, become the person I was again, the person that made me happy. I am showing him that I want to be ME again, not the pain-ridden, depressed girl I had become. I was showing him that I wanted to be a part of life again.
Today I found Myspace messages that he sent to the girl he cheated on me with back in August. They say how much they love each other and can't wait to be married and to have married sex. He met her when we were in Monterey and she was his classmate; she became his best girl-buddy. And he says on one of the messages how when he met her six years ago that he had never met anyone like her, someone who excited and befuddled him like she does. And how she makes everything that he wants to do, and be, better. SIX FUCKING YEARS. So, apparently, even six years ago I wasn't as awesome as she. He kept her in his life all this time, telling me he wanted to be with me forever, and how much he loves me. And he kept her there.
And instead of giving us the 3 months, til Nov 24th (yeah, 5 days after my birthday), he told her he is going to serve me papers a week from tomorrow.
I am shattered. He promised that he would give us 3 months and he fucking PROMISED that he wouldn't communicate with her during those months. He fucking LIED to me about it. He is so different. He has no humanity left, for anyone. He looks down on everyone. He is so snobbish and superior anymore. He sneers at people who make factual mistakes about any subject, saying that maybe they should pick up a book before they open their mouths. He thinks that he is strong when he has to be and does what needs to be done, and anyone who isn't capable of living like that is someone to be ridiculed and disrespected. He looks down on other soldiers for not being as good a soldier as they can be (even if it is just for not being as physically fit as they should be) and yet HE CHEATED. That is punishable by PRISON TIME in the military. And yet he looks down on other soldiers because they don't act the way a soldier should, with honor? Seriously?
How can he do this to me? To our marriage? Marriage is a commitment, a vow. You promise to be there for each other through anything, to support each other through hard times and anything. I made a vow til death, and I still believe in it. And he doesn't care. To him it is just something he can throw away without a backwards glance. How can he be like that?
He took EIGHT years from me. We don't have kids. He always wanted to wait until we were more financially stable and "ready" to support a child. Or he'd tell me that I needed to lose the weight that I wanted to lose, to get healthy again. I will be 27 next month. And now I have to start all over again, finding someone that I want to spend my life with? Someone that I want to be the father to my children? That doesn't happen over night. It will be YEARS before I could MAYBE find someone to love and trust again. He stole these FUCKING YEARS from me, lying to me. I've wanted children with him for so long, and now he took that from me too. It wasn't enough that he takes my heart, my body and my soul, but he takes that right from me?
I don't even know what to do. I still love him so much. I want to spend my life with him. I would die for him.
And he just doesn't even care. How can someone be so cold and cruel?
Today I found Myspace messages that he sent to the girl he cheated on me with back in August. They say how much they love each other and can't wait to be married and to have married sex. He met her when we were in Monterey and she was his classmate; she became his best girl-buddy. And he says on one of the messages how when he met her six years ago that he had never met anyone like her, someone who excited and befuddled him like she does. And how she makes everything that he wants to do, and be, better. SIX FUCKING YEARS. So, apparently, even six years ago I wasn't as awesome as she. He kept her in his life all this time, telling me he wanted to be with me forever, and how much he loves me. And he kept her there.
And instead of giving us the 3 months, til Nov 24th (yeah, 5 days after my birthday), he told her he is going to serve me papers a week from tomorrow.
I am shattered. He promised that he would give us 3 months and he fucking PROMISED that he wouldn't communicate with her during those months. He fucking LIED to me about it. He is so different. He has no humanity left, for anyone. He looks down on everyone. He is so snobbish and superior anymore. He sneers at people who make factual mistakes about any subject, saying that maybe they should pick up a book before they open their mouths. He thinks that he is strong when he has to be and does what needs to be done, and anyone who isn't capable of living like that is someone to be ridiculed and disrespected. He looks down on other soldiers for not being as good a soldier as they can be (even if it is just for not being as physically fit as they should be) and yet HE CHEATED. That is punishable by PRISON TIME in the military. And yet he looks down on other soldiers because they don't act the way a soldier should, with honor? Seriously?
How can he do this to me? To our marriage? Marriage is a commitment, a vow. You promise to be there for each other through anything, to support each other through hard times and anything. I made a vow til death, and I still believe in it. And he doesn't care. To him it is just something he can throw away without a backwards glance. How can he be like that?
He took EIGHT years from me. We don't have kids. He always wanted to wait until we were more financially stable and "ready" to support a child. Or he'd tell me that I needed to lose the weight that I wanted to lose, to get healthy again. I will be 27 next month. And now I have to start all over again, finding someone that I want to spend my life with? Someone that I want to be the father to my children? That doesn't happen over night. It will be YEARS before I could MAYBE find someone to love and trust again. He stole these FUCKING YEARS from me, lying to me. I've wanted children with him for so long, and now he took that from me too. It wasn't enough that he takes my heart, my body and my soul, but he takes that right from me?
I don't even know what to do. I still love him so much. I want to spend my life with him. I would die for him.
And he just doesn't even care. How can someone be so cold and cruel?
VIEW 25 of 36 COMMENTS
He is gone. And in doing so has proven utterly that he does'nt deserve you. All you can do now is grieve and eventually let go and forget.
You have a long and emotionally painful road ahead of you...a road I do not envy. But you are STRONG....and you will come out on top again. There is a better man out there, somewhere, waiting just for you. So go just forget that Son-of-a-Bitch. He is no longer worth the salt in your tears, to quote the song. Ok?
You will Love again! You will Smile again! I promise!