thewineguy

Hypocrisy

It is something I have been allergic to, for as long as I can remember. As a small child I did not know what it was but i already knew that it bothered me. I listened intently for the "rules" then watched them be broken. I was angry but did not know how to verbalize it. Then one day, some misguided teacher assigned me A Catcher in the Rye. Who was this Holden Caufield? Did he wander out of my own brain? Years later some jackass told me that we all think we are Holden Caufield and then we grow up, well that son of a bitch might have been Don Quixote, but he sure the fuck was never Holden. How JD Salinger must have hated all these phonies thinking that this character belonged to them. Holden would have wanted to punch most of them in the dick. These cry babies having disdain for authority because of the one time they were decieved, lied to, or felt unfairly persecuted. These delusional pricks who felt cheated because they did not force themselves on a girl, and some stradlatter had sex with her later.

I wonder how Holden would feel about the information age, where people freely post their hypocrisy for anyone to see. Constantly updating their status with some bullshit. There are too many infractions to list. It angers me as much today as it did back then. It is not a symptom of the times. People have always been full of shit and they always will be, the only time related part, is that now i have to read their lies. The human mind is capable of the most amazing self rationalizations. I am certain some of these phonies could pass lie detector tests. I have been calling people on bullshit for a long time, and it was tiresome then and it is even more tiresome now. That shit does not fly in my admittedly small circle. My circle is small because it is hard to find people with real integrity, but i have been lucky enough to do so, unfortunately I still have to deal with the rest of the world.

People inform me that I am too hard on people, that I am a curmudgeon, a pessimist, crazy, and a whole host of other names for demanding some honesty and integrity out of people. It really isnt a skill is it? Lying and manipulation seem like skills to me. Honesty does not seem like a skill. Meaning what you say does not appear to be a talent, but it is nonetheless rare.

I am not a saint, not even close, I am not a nice person, I am certainly not perfect. A lot of people, my friends included, will tell you I am an asshole. A lot of me being an asshole revolves around me informing people of how full of shit they are. But I let a lot of it go, and I mean a giant fucking river of it. I can not pretend to be surprised by it at this point. I do not have the time, will, or energy to go around challenging everyone all the time. But! Sometimes I will surprise someone when I am in a really good mood, and challenge them on their crap. Maybe it was the 42nd lie I heard that day, and I just could not take one more.

Dont get me wrong, I know why you are lying. I know why you are fooling yourself and others. You might even be doing it to be nice, or to avoid confrontation. When my friend who got fired for drinking on the job, bemoans the fact that no one will hire him because of his bad reputation, I dont remind him every single time, that he has himself to blame, i just let him rant and say nothing. When my friend who willingly had sex without her partner using a condom, got pregnant, then got an abortion, tells people they are fucking stupid for getting pregnant, I feel that it would be absurd to remind her that she was in the same boat and to have a little empathy. But I do wince. I do cringe. I do make a funny little sound sometimes when I hear my good friends lay these turds on me.

I am not an angry bitter man. That is the other way people write me off. A drink, a joint, and or some pussy will not make me dislike hypocrisy any less. I do not expect the world to be an honest place. I am not a dreamer. Shit just tastes like shit you know? It smells like shit and it tastes like shit, and I do not want to eat yours, and I wont make you eat mine. This allergy has not been beneficial to my career. President Obama is a world class shit eater, and he puts out a lot of shit too. I admire that at times. But I am quite happy most of the time to be me. The guy that you did not think was going to show up out of nowhere to call bullshit. Sometimes I think I am a super hero. The kind of super hero that no one likes or roots for, but none the less has a few scattered fans who admired him at that tiny moment in time. Not that I need an audience, I will happily call people on their shit in private, it is my preferred method, public humilation is awful and it is something I have been far to guilty of. Sometimes my voice carries more than I would want it to. I usually apologize to those people, not for calling them on their shit, but for doing it in a disrespectful fashion.

Each year, I make it my new years resolution to stop doing all this. To just sit down with a bowl of shit on January 1st, eat it, and ask for seconds, but I just cant. So I guess I will go on like this until the end. I guess things will always matter to me. I guess I missed out on the jaded disaffected movement, and still want people to say what they mean and do what they say. Like I said, I am an asshole.