theseadog

I am eating right now. That's right kiddies, I finally broke down. Oddly enough, I wasn't hungry until I actually started to eat. I ate some vegetarian chile, and was disapointed to find that, no, there were not pieces of real vegetarian in it. What a fucking ripoff. At least now my stomache doesn't feel like it's chewing on itself anymore. Plus I slept today for three hours. Three whole hours!!!! I am the epitomey of a healthy man who can't spell epitomey correctly. While I was sleeping, I missed four phone calls and three texts, despite the fact that the phone was inches from my face. I take this to mean that I need a secretary to take my calls when I'm away. Aplicants for this postion should submit there resumes to in front of my face, and write up an essay on what makes working for me sans pay so friggin' awesome. Also, blowjobs will not be frowned upon.

I may just kick smoking yet. I've quit so many times this past month that I'm hardly feeling any withdrawl symptoms today. Sweet. Now I need a new addiction, and I'm looking very closely at pogs. But Steve, why on earth would you want to be addicted to pogs? Hahaha, don't be a fool. Everyone knows the answer to that question. Since you already know the answer, I feel we can move on.

My brainage is back on track. So, a not so brief synopsis of my recent mental paterns goes something like this. A while ago, I lost my apartment and ended up homeless. Shocking, I know. After a few days of homeless, I got a phone call from the ever popular SarcasticMenace courtesy of the evil phone tag group. Homeless people have a lot of time on their hands. So do Menaces. What followed was a daily routine of 3 to 24 hour phone conversations which would leave us laughing our asses off. Now, I move constantly, and have since I was a kid, so I don't have any friends that I keep up like, at all. But The Menace and I got along well. After a couple months of this, I ran out of stories to tell, and she ran out of weed. Whatever were we to do?! In the end, I actually started "sharing my emotions" or whatever the fuck you crazy hippies call it. I've never actually talked about how I was feeling with anybody ever. Stonewalling shrinks was one of my all time favorites when I was a kid. In retrospect, that whole sharing thing was probably a really bad idea. No offense to Menace, she's been about the best friend I've ever had, and I haven't even met her yet. That whole talking about things is kind of bullshit, though, because it also seems to amplify them. It came at a really bad time, too. What with me being homeless and poor, and then there was my parents with their craziness, pregnant friends, suicidal friends (several of these, actually. Is there something in the water these days?), friends falling in and out of love, me falling in love, my grandfather flipping out and chasing my mom around her house. It was mass chaos and confusion in the streets. Brother against brother, neighbor against neighbor, childhood friends stabbing each other in the face with spoons. Oh the horror! Just like when the Lakers win. Or when they lose.

Anyway, the walls are back up, and I feel good once more. Proud in the fact that I'm an emotionally crippled being due to my odd upbrining and from reading too much James Clavell as a kid. In conclusion, my brain and I are no longer on speaking terms, once again.

I hate my fucking job. This is why I'm quitting. I work for nine hours every night. Effectively destroying any semblance of a life outside of work. Throughout these nine hours, I've managed to cut the actual time that I'm really working down to about two hours. Then I sit here. Bored. Yes, it is really cool that I get to surf SG and talk on the phone at night whilst getting paid. The thing that you don't understand is that if I don't have a job where I'm busy, and at least slightly challenged, I get lazy. Really fucking lazy. I sit around at work feeling shitty and accomplishing nothing, only to go home and sit around feeling shitty and accomplishing nothing. So, I'm quitting. I'll get a job closer to home that doesn't pay as well, but at least I won't be commuting for SIX FUCKING HOURS A DAY! I'll probably go ahead and get two jobs, just to keep busy and mix things up a bit. That all depends on if I'll be taking college courses online, or at a campus. I'm closing in on 26 years old and I don't have a fucking career yet. I've had so many different jobs, and probably qualify as a jack of all trades, but I don't have anything that I plan on doing for more than a year. I need to change that with a quickness. I don't intend to lock myself into anything, because I always have an exit plan, but I need to get cracking on something at least. That something WAS going to be the LAFD, but since they're not hiring, it's time to move on.

Probably to Chicago. I'm not sure yet, and there are several cities in the running, but Chicago is definately in the number one position at the moment. So yeah. That about wraps the moving bit up.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Let's move on.

*July 18th- Barring prior plans on her part, treat buttonbutton to dinner, while apologizing profusely for screwing up our plans the other week.
*July ?- Sneak into ToothpickMoe's work. Hopefully make it out alive.
*July ?- Drinks with Toothpick and bravhrt.
*July 29th- My brother, Zach (DrKevorkian), flies into LA.
*Sometime aound here, Los Angeles will be burnt to cinders.
*August 4th- Mission accomplished, Zach will return to Phoenix.
*August 14th- I fly to Indy to hang out with the infamous KaliDoom.
*August 19th- Kali's birthday extravaganza. There will be much rejoicing.
*Sometime around here, Indianapolis will be burnt to cinders.
*August 23rd- Mission accomplished, I will return to a fallen Los Angeles.
*August 31st- More than likely will be my last day working for Specialty Labs.
*September/October- SG West Coast Camping Trip. This will happen. I just don't know when.
*September/October- I'll head to Portland in an unexpected visit. Burning will commence.
*October 15th- Drive to Sacramento to visit EmilyRocks, AuralPleasure & Walker.
*October 16th- Emily's birthday extravaganza. Hopefully a joint party for SarcasticMenace as well. Burn, Sacramento, burn!
*October ?- The Menace herself will hit the streets of LA. She'll probably hit my face a few times, too.
*November- Hopefully by this time, I'm out of my lease and out of Cali. Hopefully.
*November 28th- Sit in my room alone and get absolutley shitfaced,as is customary on my birthday. We wouldn't want to break tradition now, would we?
*At some point in this schedule- I will make pillow forts at BlueValentines place. This has to happen. You're all welcome to come. Just don't tell her I said that.

*I have the childrens story in my head, but I need to get it on paper. The whole thing is more or less laid out plot, charecter and timeline- wise. This one will be dedicated to Emily, since it's actually her story, I'm just putting it on paper.

*Anti Cindarella story. This would make the smoothest transition to screenplays if the kids book actually sells. It's marketable, funny (hopefully), intelligent (hopefully), there's plenty of merchandizing opportunities that studios would love and there's no real set age group for it. It's basically a version of Cinderella where the main charecter isn't such a gold digging whore.

*Must work on the cartoon!!!! I know nothing of anime, but I'm working on that. I have five seasons of this shit floating in my head that I need to put on paper. Noctem said that he's willing to look at it and work on the concept art. That's awesome. It gives me an excuse to come back to LA and hang out with the guy.

*Christmas In Phoenix. Bizarre dark comedy relationship drama. This is a weird one. I can't wait to finish it.

*Mockumentary. This one is just an idea, but I need to get with my old roomate, Sam, before moving forward with it. We came up with it together, and I don't intend to leave him out.

*Neverwhere. I know this was a miniseries, but I swear to fucking god, I have to make this shit into a movie! Have to!

*The craziness that popped in my head the other day might pan out. It's the first time I've ever made charecters around people I know.

Other than those, I'm dropping everything else. It's all either going nowhere, or I don't have it far along enough to bother with it at the moment. If I limit myself to these, especially the first four, I might actually get some shit accomplished. On top of these, Adam (formerly Add) has talked me into trying stand up comedy on for size. He does a lot of it, and is just a fucking hilarious guy, so I'm going to write up a few bits and have him take a look at it. We'll see how that goes.

The kind people of SG have been both kind, and peopley to me! Seriously, though, my friends are the awesomest. I have received several radtastic things from several people who each deserve mention. First off, EmilyRocks sent me my second place prize which consisted of a letter, a picture of a home (since I was without one at the time) and pirate stickers. Pirate stickers being my favorite, you know... Because I'm a fucking pirate and all that. Then, Kitsune24 saw a sticker of Gir, and sent it to me in a letter, just because she saw that I thoroughly enjoyed Invader Zim. She is the awesome sauce extraordinare. I received a very packagey package (the highest compliment a package can be paid) from the lovley SarcasticMenace, which contained a Best Buy gift certificate- gah! my addiction!- two awesome rocks of sentimental value and even a finger condom, in case my finger gets laid. I think we all know by now what a dirty little slut my finger is, too. I received Letters from both WhiteWidow and PullOfMyWings on the same day! It was a mail explosion right in my very own mailbox! Most recently, I was the proud recipient of a top secret invitation to KaliDoom's top secret soiree. The location of which is also top secret, but here's a clue!

All of these things were so very apreciated, and I swear I will reciprocate. My problem is that I've only ever sent two letters in my life, and the both went something like this:

Haha, jokes on them. I'm not even worth a half a mil anymore. Now I'm only good for a quarter. Amazing how much I've depreciated in value over the past two years. But shhh, don't tell them. I want to see the looks on their faces when they get the check for half of what they hoped for. Shit, wait a minute... Hey, If any of you are planning on going to hell, could you describe their looks to me when you get there? kthnx.

Anyway. Yes, I do fully intend to send you all (and edenkitty) wonderful letters. What you get may not be a wonderful letter, but I assure you, that was what was intended.

Prom. Ahhh yes. That magical time when youths dress up in there finest clothing, only to dance awkwardly in their school gymnasium, then later to fuck awkwardly in the back of there dad's stationwagon. Also a time to go to San Fransisco, get shitfaced and party with the porn site people. I did get to go to San Fran, thanks to SHARK who, unfortunately, was unable to attend, herself.

12

The night of the 12th was spent sleeping on an airport bench awaiting my early flight. I was kept company by SarcasticMencae, EmilyRocks and throwabomb, via the telephone. There may have been more people present, but it was two fucking months ago. Christ, give me a break here people. I do recall that it was an awesomely hilarious time, despite the fact that I kept coughing until I threw up. That part sucked.

13

I flew out there the morning of the 13th, and quickly commenced to getting lost. A call to SarcasticMenace helped me work some things out, though. I still didn't have a place to stay, but she helped me navigate the city straight up Onstar style, only snarkier. She talked to a friend of hers there, and he even let me wash up at his work place and kill some time. Eventually I made it down to where we were supposed to be playing softball or something. The only member I recognized there was JeezieChreesie, who will probably change his name again before you even read this. There was no time to talk, though, as one of the 10 year olds we were watching play kickball seemed to have a complaint. Aparently, the oposing team was a bunch of fucking cheaters, and he had to tell them so in just those words. You tell 'em kid! Nobody fucks around at kickball on his watch. Nobody.

That finished, we headed across the street to Thee Parkside, where I was given free beer. Happiness accomplished, I talked to Obsidian and capnvik, and they said that I could crash on their floor. Holly stashed my stuff upstairs for me, and then it was off to not play kickball! So I was happily not playing kickball when who happened to walk past? Since you're not going to answer that question, I will. KaliDoom! I did the only logical thing and shouted, "Kali Dooooooooooom!" She looked at me, unimpressed, and said hi. Hurt by her utter lack of recognition, I staggered behind the bleachers to whack off. Task complete, I decided to give little Kali another shot. As soon as she was off the phone, I gave her a call. This response was a bit more enthusiastic. She said something to the tune of, "Where the hell are you? You were supposed to call!" I told hewr that I was waving, and we both had a laugh, followed by a bit of silence and possibly some conversation. Then my dumb and already sun burnt ass decided to go take a nap in the sun. Margot_Dent saw me and pointed out the stupidity of my actions. I probably responded with something like, "GNrr Me Steve ConFuuSed." Which anybody who's met me can tell you is how I speak in person. The we called up buttonbutton and gave her an 'in your face' for not being in San Fran.

After I didn't play kickball, we headed inside Thee Parkside again, where I was forbidden from curry by the curry nazis, who still have an active chapter in San Fransisco. Those wacky curry nazis and their.... nametags. I didn't really know anybody, so I just wandered between SGLA members, Kali and the bar. Eventually, drunk occured. I can't quite put my finger on when it happened, but rest assured, it did. I woke up in the morning in the hallway of the hotel with no clear recollection of how I got there. All I had was a series of bizarre text messages that filled in a few of the gaps. If you do know what happened that night, please don't tell me. I'm probably better off this way.

14

So yes, the hallway. I actually woke up to the sound of capnvik asking what the hell I was doing out there. I was close to responding with a snappy, "Hahaha! Serves you right for drinking so much! I'm not even IN the hallway, you crazy drunk bastard!" but a quick survey of my surroundings clued me in to the truth behind his question. So, I went in the room and slept for several more hours. Once I was fully recovered, I headed downstairs for a smoke or something, and ran into numerous people who were each interested in aquiring food for their bellies. This concept intrigued me, and I bought into it. I ended up going to dinner with obd and JeezieChreezie. After a temporary setback when our aproach to the wharf was blocked by a huge fucking cliff, our plans changed and we headed to the Rogue Brewhouse. There, we each had delicious beer and feasted upon the finest burgers known to man. I shit you not, no better burger exists on this planet. It was the greatest thing I've ever eaten, and I wasn't even high!

After that, it was time to head back and get ready for Prom. Oddly enough, Prom itself was the least fun I had on the trip. I spent most of the time on the balconey or outside, just because I didn't know anyone. I got to meet EmilyRocks in person, though. That was awesome. Plus The Lovemakers kicked ass, as usual, and the other band's lead singer holds the monopoley on hilarius poses. Prom accomplished, it was on to the afterparty. The after party on top of the Remo was fun. Emily had to take off early, so I hung out with fenris23, 400lbgorilla, d23, desidia and Nixon. At some point, a pipe was busted out, and I foolishly broke my no more drugs ever rule. An already wacky fenris and gorilla both became wackier, and it was both hilarious and disturbing from a stoned mindset. It's been a good year since I've smoked, and I recall thinking, "Daaamn... I am soooo stoooooned," a lot, while trying my hardest not to say it out loud. I don't know if that worked out or not. Soon I found myself standing there with d23 and ThePirate (who kicks just as much ass as his name does) trying to follow along with their conversation. I would stare at each of them as they talked, straining to understand the words that they were saying, trying my hardest to figure out how I could participate in this conversation. All I could come up with was, "Daaamn.... I am soooo stoooned..." I excused myself before I had a chance to say what I was thinking. Downstairs, I talked to TAB and an equally stoned Menace. Then I said goo night to all things Prom.

15

The 15th of May was the best day ever. I woke up, and went downstairs to say goodbye to all of those who were leaving. My pajamas had a rather sizable hole in the leg, and my knee hurt like a bitch, but I'm afraid I have no explanation for you on that one. After the good byes, I talked to Kali, and she offered to take me out to brunch. As poor as I was, there was no way I'd turn that down. Hell, I wouldn't have if I'd had money, either. So I went up and showered, then gave Kail a call. It turned out that she'd gotten caught up in goodbyes, and was right up the street. I went with her to send her work off, and then we headed to lunch. We ate at a Chinese restaurant called The Eater of Souls. At least, that's how I pronounce it. They gave us these giant sized menus with giant sized prices as compaired to the menus that the other, more Asian patrons had. Then they sort of just refused to serve us. When we finally got our food, it didn't taste tainted at all. This is because they have ways to disguess the poisons. Eventually we wanted to leave. This didn't not coincide with their plans to hold us there until the poison they had fed us took effect. I started speaking Japanese to them, but somehow, I don't think that helped at all. What kind of Chinese person doesn't like being spoken to in Japanese? Jeesh. Finally they released us, and we headed back to the Remo to meet up with Emily and a now much more sober Cheshire. Along the way, we met a meter bot. He was awesome, and deserves the honor of having the only picture in this entry. Kali stayed at the Remo to keep Trevor company,and the rest of us crused down to the fishermans wharf. Many sites were seen, and I was not molested by the silver man. Seriously. Afterwards, we headed over to Thee Parkside. Kali couldn't come wth us, though, since the poisonous not Japanese food had begun to take affect. Poor Kali.


Kali and the delightful meter bot. He started talking shit, though, and Kali was forced to eat him.

Thee Parkside was awesome! Seriously. There weren't a whole lot of people there, but I got to meet Sempi, NatasKuput and AuralPleasure(Greg). Greg bought my broke ass a beer and chile dog, and then he and I went off and did sneaky things of which we'll never speak of. Admit it... You know you're thinking dirty thoughts right now. You friggin' pervert. We all basically just hung out in the back room bullshitting for several hours. It was nice and relaxing and it made the day seem to stretch a bit. Finally we were ready to head to the afterparty. I had started getting texts from a now well Kali, and Greg and I were trying to convince Cheshire and Emily to come with us all to the afterparty. Once convinced, I headed out with Greg, and the girls kind of followed. Sort of. We stopped for dinner at a nifty little burger shack, and hung ou there for a while. I got a few texts from Kali, who had a bt of a bad walk to catch her connecting bus. When her bus finally got there, I jogged down to meet her. More food was had, and then we headed to the dance club. There was a lot of relief that the club was not as small as it looked. Throughout the night, I danced with Kali, jonnytrrrash7 and Greg, I played some photo hunt, Toxicboy bought me a drink and we both decided to bring back the Kid n Play, rawr_ima_monster (Dave) bought me a car bomb and I had a shitload of jack. It fucking rocked. At the end of the night, I headed to a cafe who's name I don't recall with Dave, Geg, jonnytrash, Natas, Koleeta, Desdenova, Requiem and possibly others. Then I got to drive Greg's car to drop off Koleeta, Natas and jonny. We headed back to the Remo, and searched for Greg's camera for a long long time before finally uploading some pictures, and taking an hour long nap on the floor.

16

Zombie day. I woke up and texted Kali to make sure I hadn't missed her. She was still there, and I aparently had time to shower before she left. Midshower, a knock came at the door. It seems that time was misjudged, and I did not actually have any time to shower at all. In fact, Kali was late. Why she waited to say goodbye, I have no idea, but I was very happy that she did. I rushed out of the shower and hugged her goodbye, then told her that I'd see her downstairs if she was still there when I was finished getting ready. She was still there! I got to hang out with her some more waiting for her shuttle, which was awesome, until we started to think that the shuttle wasn't coming. Greg agreed to give her a ride if she needed it, so I ran upstairs to get my things out of the room. When I got back down, Kali was gone. I'm glad that she made her shuttle, but I would have had no complaints with getting to say goodbye again. Kali is about the awesomest person ever invented.

Now that I was moved out, Greg and I went on an adventure to find the place I was to drop my tux off at. It was a long way out, past hills and hobbit houses, but we had Onstar Menace style to guide us. We returned the tux to the mall, and then headed back to San Fran... ummm, and then we sort of had to go to the mall again. But let's move past that, ok? I've come toterms with the fact that I'm retarded and tend to leave things like cameras in tuxedo pockets, and I accept that about myself. I think you should, too. We had plans to meet up with jonny who was in Oakland, but we headed across the bridge to Berkley. Around the same time, it seems jonny crossed the bridge to San Fran. No hanging out with jonny. Instead, Greg and I staggered around Berkley, exhausted and zombie like. We hit up some awesome CD shops there. During the two days that I met him, Greg bought me at least three meals. I think there are rules about how I'm supposed to give it up to him now. No offense Greg, but thank god you've got a girlfriend. Zombie day came to a close as Greg drove me to the airport, and I eventually fell asleep, shivering on an airport bench. It is, after all, the homeless way, and the perfect conclusion to my awesome trip to San Fransisco.


MORE PROM PHOTOS ARE AVAILABLE IN THE PROM FOLDER OF MY PICS. THE CAPTIONS ARE LESS THAN ACURATE FOR MY OWN AMUSEMENT. IF YOU WERE THERE, AND THERE ARE NO PICTURES OF YOU, THEN I HATE YOU. IT'S THE ONLY POSSIBLE EXPLANATION.