WARNING: This entry is boring and stupid and not worth reading!!
OK, but I warned you!
.
I can't help but laugh my motherfucking ass off right now!
When will the World and Fate tire of using my testicles for soccer practice and move on to torture someone else? Surely there are others in the world, hell in the immediate area, with bigger testicles then mine?
Yeah, so my "ex" is SUPER pissed off at me. Apparently we are not, in fact, broken up. What I assumed to be the break up was, in fact, no such thing. Judging by the tone of the message she left, however, the end is extremely fucking nigh. Whoa, I've been looking for an opportunity to say that in a journal entry for a long time. Sorry, back to the topic at hand.
Either way, I have an extremely passionate woman, prone to acts of violence (which only encourage me, I assure you!
), VERY angry at me at the moment.
What's worse, that I caused her such pain, or that I am so enjoying her wrath? Christ, I am a sucker for punishment and righteously fucked up relationships. I have never, NEVER, had a "normal" relationship. Oh, wait, that's a lie; I had a regular relationship for EXACTLY three weeks, almost to the minute in fact. I was barely sixteen at the time.
Basically it boils down to a letter I sent her talking about how I miss her and I wish it'd worked out and what caused her to lose interest in me and hoping she had a good time in Houston, and hoping that we could remain friends (this one I really wanted to keep in my life if only as a friend).
So I get this rather vicious message on my machine that went kind of like this:
what the fuck!? are you mad I went to the club with so-and-so?? i'm beginning to think you are losing interest in ME! (note: this was a little off putting, because she made it pretty clear a while back that we were over...or I thought it was pretty clear) if you really cared you'd have called more (note: i called all the time, she was never home, and when i left messages with her family she never called back...i fear that my suspicion that her family wasn't giving her the messages was true). well, fuck this, i'm going hunting! my mother has my cell if you try to call...which i know you WON'T!
Now, I save every message she ever left on my machine while we were going out (I bought a new machine for when this one is full). I figured I could do something terribly romantic with them some day. you'd be a FOOL if you thought I was erasing this gem!
Of course, now I'll probably try and work it out. I don't know why - a year ago if I'd met her we would have lasted all of a month before I got tired of her shit and just cut her loose (I had no staying power back then - I felt happy and I would jump ship in seconds).
So, is it time for me to swallow my pride and try to salvage this? My brain is screaming "NO!!!!!!" (he's got a bullhorn, too, it's rather annoying) but my heart is screaming "YES!" and threatening to go on strike if I don't. My pride is ominously silent at the moment. The places I grew up in, I was ingrained with the one ideal that you NEVER let your pride be hurt. NEVER! Most of this is about that. Most of the relationships I jumped out of were because I didn't want to let my pride be hurt; my heart, fuck it, it's damaged enough physically..what's a little emotional damage?
Sorry for this uber lame post, but I need to work this all out in my head before I call her back and leave a message on her phone. There's a lot to consider; should I mention all the messages I left with her mother/sister? She's always at her mother's throat, this will only make this worse. On top of that, she's about to move out for the first time, so I don't want to be the reason that she develops even more friction with her mother.
Also, do I really want to get back into this? I really do love her. Not like I want to marry her or anything, but the love is there. Still, I've been pretty active lately as far as meeting new people is concerned, and there are a few women I'm considering dating. The problem is, I doubt if I'd be good ofr any of them right now. I'd be too soon off of this relationship to commit to them as deeply as they deserve.
I don't know. It's late and my mind is in a thousand and one places right now. I don't even know if I should bother to call tonight. But if I don't she'll only be more pissed and hurt.
Ugh, I need strong drink, but it'll only put me right to sleep.
OK, but I warned you!
.
I can't help but laugh my motherfucking ass off right now!
When will the World and Fate tire of using my testicles for soccer practice and move on to torture someone else? Surely there are others in the world, hell in the immediate area, with bigger testicles then mine?
Yeah, so my "ex" is SUPER pissed off at me. Apparently we are not, in fact, broken up. What I assumed to be the break up was, in fact, no such thing. Judging by the tone of the message she left, however, the end is extremely fucking nigh. Whoa, I've been looking for an opportunity to say that in a journal entry for a long time. Sorry, back to the topic at hand.
Either way, I have an extremely passionate woman, prone to acts of violence (which only encourage me, I assure you!
), VERY angry at me at the moment.
What's worse, that I caused her such pain, or that I am so enjoying her wrath? Christ, I am a sucker for punishment and righteously fucked up relationships. I have never, NEVER, had a "normal" relationship. Oh, wait, that's a lie; I had a regular relationship for EXACTLY three weeks, almost to the minute in fact. I was barely sixteen at the time.
Basically it boils down to a letter I sent her talking about how I miss her and I wish it'd worked out and what caused her to lose interest in me and hoping she had a good time in Houston, and hoping that we could remain friends (this one I really wanted to keep in my life if only as a friend).
So I get this rather vicious message on my machine that went kind of like this:
what the fuck!? are you mad I went to the club with so-and-so?? i'm beginning to think you are losing interest in ME! (note: this was a little off putting, because she made it pretty clear a while back that we were over...or I thought it was pretty clear) if you really cared you'd have called more (note: i called all the time, she was never home, and when i left messages with her family she never called back...i fear that my suspicion that her family wasn't giving her the messages was true). well, fuck this, i'm going hunting! my mother has my cell if you try to call...which i know you WON'T!
Now, I save every message she ever left on my machine while we were going out (I bought a new machine for when this one is full). I figured I could do something terribly romantic with them some day. you'd be a FOOL if you thought I was erasing this gem!
Of course, now I'll probably try and work it out. I don't know why - a year ago if I'd met her we would have lasted all of a month before I got tired of her shit and just cut her loose (I had no staying power back then - I felt happy and I would jump ship in seconds).
So, is it time for me to swallow my pride and try to salvage this? My brain is screaming "NO!!!!!!" (he's got a bullhorn, too, it's rather annoying) but my heart is screaming "YES!" and threatening to go on strike if I don't. My pride is ominously silent at the moment. The places I grew up in, I was ingrained with the one ideal that you NEVER let your pride be hurt. NEVER! Most of this is about that. Most of the relationships I jumped out of were because I didn't want to let my pride be hurt; my heart, fuck it, it's damaged enough physically..what's a little emotional damage?
Sorry for this uber lame post, but I need to work this all out in my head before I call her back and leave a message on her phone. There's a lot to consider; should I mention all the messages I left with her mother/sister? She's always at her mother's throat, this will only make this worse. On top of that, she's about to move out for the first time, so I don't want to be the reason that she develops even more friction with her mother.
Also, do I really want to get back into this? I really do love her. Not like I want to marry her or anything, but the love is there. Still, I've been pretty active lately as far as meeting new people is concerned, and there are a few women I'm considering dating. The problem is, I doubt if I'd be good ofr any of them right now. I'd be too soon off of this relationship to commit to them as deeply as they deserve.
I don't know. It's late and my mind is in a thousand and one places right now. I don't even know if I should bother to call tonight. But if I don't she'll only be more pissed and hurt.
Ugh, I need strong drink, but it'll only put me right to sleep.