I think I'm having night siezures. (I do have a very weird family history of extraordinarily odd and small seizure activities...they're not siezures, per se, but more like little earthquakes in a certain part of the brain that mimic the electrical activity of a siezure without the flopping around on the floor...the only adverse effects are some disorientation and memory problems for the rest of the day...but, like I said, it's just a family history and I've never been tested for it).
I'll be laying down and drift into sleep, but will kind of get stuck. As I'm closing my eyes I have this dreadful sense of foreboding and evil; it's as if some evil spirit was lingering just outside my door. It's an uncanny fear, but I always dismiss it and slip off to sleep. Then this feeling just takes me over and I cannot move, even though I am fully conscious. I can hear the city bus drive by outside my window, I can here the radio announcer discuss the upcoming concert, et cetera. Even my eyelids don't work sometimes. On occasion I've been able to force my eyes open a tiny bit, and I can kind of see, but it's very distorted. My breathing is fast and my heart is faster, but I can't move my arms or my legs or anything. Then, faster then you can blink, I suddenly explode into motion. All the limbs I've been trying with all my might to move finally move.
It happened just now. I nodded off to sleep at 4:22 (I was holding my cell phone) and it happened and I finally got up and around at 4:31. During this time I had a very warped dream. I thought I was awake, but it ended up happening again and this is when I heard the bus go by while I was trying to move. I finally moved while the bus was still driving by. Then it happened again. It was about 4:45 or so when I finally sat up in my bed, very tired and achy.
The weird thing is I have to fight this feeling. When I don't, it overtakes me to the point where I think I'm going to go insane or die or both. The last time I didn't fight it it got so bad I felt like my mind was snapping in half - my head was buzzing like a fucking chainsaw and...I don't know how to describe it. It was just insane.
This doesn't happen very often, maybe once a month, but sometimes it won't happen once a year and then it'll happen every night for a week. Worse yet, when it does happen, like now, I can't get back to sleep for a very long time. I've been awake about twenty-four hours now and am incredibly tired, but I just can't nod off again.
I've talked to doctor's about this, but they're even more perplexed by it then I am. Fucking quacks.
I'm still a little bummed about thumbing my nose at would have proved to be some of the freakiest sex of my life last night. Le sigh. Story of my life.
I'll be laying down and drift into sleep, but will kind of get stuck. As I'm closing my eyes I have this dreadful sense of foreboding and evil; it's as if some evil spirit was lingering just outside my door. It's an uncanny fear, but I always dismiss it and slip off to sleep. Then this feeling just takes me over and I cannot move, even though I am fully conscious. I can hear the city bus drive by outside my window, I can here the radio announcer discuss the upcoming concert, et cetera. Even my eyelids don't work sometimes. On occasion I've been able to force my eyes open a tiny bit, and I can kind of see, but it's very distorted. My breathing is fast and my heart is faster, but I can't move my arms or my legs or anything. Then, faster then you can blink, I suddenly explode into motion. All the limbs I've been trying with all my might to move finally move.
It happened just now. I nodded off to sleep at 4:22 (I was holding my cell phone) and it happened and I finally got up and around at 4:31. During this time I had a very warped dream. I thought I was awake, but it ended up happening again and this is when I heard the bus go by while I was trying to move. I finally moved while the bus was still driving by. Then it happened again. It was about 4:45 or so when I finally sat up in my bed, very tired and achy.
The weird thing is I have to fight this feeling. When I don't, it overtakes me to the point where I think I'm going to go insane or die or both. The last time I didn't fight it it got so bad I felt like my mind was snapping in half - my head was buzzing like a fucking chainsaw and...I don't know how to describe it. It was just insane.
This doesn't happen very often, maybe once a month, but sometimes it won't happen once a year and then it'll happen every night for a week. Worse yet, when it does happen, like now, I can't get back to sleep for a very long time. I've been awake about twenty-four hours now and am incredibly tired, but I just can't nod off again.
I've talked to doctor's about this, but they're even more perplexed by it then I am. Fucking quacks.
I'm still a little bummed about thumbing my nose at would have proved to be some of the freakiest sex of my life last night. Le sigh. Story of my life.