I have one more week of work before I get two weeks off, which will include:
(1.1) My and LittleFierceOne's 2nd anniversary. (21st)
(1.2) A total Lunar eclipse. (21st)
(1.3) A winter solstice party with some good friends (21st)
(2) Enjoying time with friends K_Rex and Schiavona on Christmas.
(3) Who-knows-what to ring in the New Year.
In the meantime, I've been really annoyed by something, lately, and I'd like to vent a bit.
I am a teacher. I only make a bit over $30,000. We get by, though anytime there is a issue with cars, cats, or health, it makes money really tight. That being said, I love my job and am very fortunate to have one AND enjoy it.
LittleFierceOne is unemployed. He has had, throughout his life, a series of horrible jobs and is currently trying to find something that makes him happy. In the meantime, he is taking care of the house, the cats, the food, and a majority of the cleaning. He feels bad about this, and it does sometimes create tension between us (when the money is tight for any of the aforementioned reasons, for example).
I don't care if he ever gets a job, as long as we have enough to live on - I honestly just want him to be happy. I am very appreciative that he does things around the house, he is very appreciative that I pay the bills. I am happy at work, so it's not like I'm working a shitty job that I hate and he is eating bon-bons all day. We both work, I just get paid for mine.
I don't mind telling people that I work and he takes care of the house. Well, I don't care if people if know. I have been hesitant to talk about it, lately, because I'm tired of the reaction. I'm tired of being told that we're wrong, that LittleFierceOne should get some shitty job because he is The Man, and that's what men do.
It annoys me for two main reasons (besides the fact that I don't like being told what to do):
(1) It implies that I am either not capable of or not supposed to take on the role of breadwinner. I should be "taken care of" and not be the one earning the money and paying the bills. I might agree with this on the grounds that I am horrible at dealing with money and deadlines, but not on the grounds that I am a woman. In fact, since it's all on me, I have been much better at paying bills on time and keeping track of my bank account. When it was just me, I didn't care as much, but now that if affects my entire family, I have been much more responsible with money. So, there.
(2) It implies that LittleFierceOne is not contributing to our relationship in a meaningful way. This is insulting both to him, and in general to housewives and stay at home moms. Having a partner who stays home to cook, clean, and take care of the "kids" (furry or otherwise) is not valued when that partner happens to male, so why should it be if that partner is female? I, personally, am quite happy to eat LittleFierceOne's delicious meals and not have to deal with dishes and trash and litterboxes in my time off. I do help him, because I realize that cleaning house is not anyone's favorite thing to do. In fact, I wish I did more around the house because I realize that it is A LOT of work, and I don't think it's a fair trade that I go to work and he does all the house stuff. When people imply that he is not doing enough, it infuriates me because I feel like he does too much.
I honestly don't get it. I don't understand how well-educated and well-meaning people cannot see how insulting and wrong they are when they insist that our current arrangement is "not okay." I am asked regularly if he has a job, yet. If I ever say anything like, "LittleFierceOne cooked a yummy dinner last night," the response is usually, "Well, he should. You shouldn't have to do anything."
Worst of all? I feel like so many people think my husband, the man that I love, is flawed in some way, when they couldn't be further from the truth. Fuck those people. If you think a husband should make money in order to be deemed "worthy," then you can die in a fire. My husband takes care of me when I'm sick, loves me when I'm cantankerous, and forgives me when I'm wrong. He does have some flaws, as do I, but is not in any way neglectful or abusive. I'm a lucky person to have found a person to share my life with who loves me the way that he does.
I think they're all just jealous.
(1.1) My and LittleFierceOne's 2nd anniversary. (21st)
(1.2) A total Lunar eclipse. (21st)
(1.3) A winter solstice party with some good friends (21st)
(2) Enjoying time with friends K_Rex and Schiavona on Christmas.
(3) Who-knows-what to ring in the New Year.
In the meantime, I've been really annoyed by something, lately, and I'd like to vent a bit.
I am a teacher. I only make a bit over $30,000. We get by, though anytime there is a issue with cars, cats, or health, it makes money really tight. That being said, I love my job and am very fortunate to have one AND enjoy it.
LittleFierceOne is unemployed. He has had, throughout his life, a series of horrible jobs and is currently trying to find something that makes him happy. In the meantime, he is taking care of the house, the cats, the food, and a majority of the cleaning. He feels bad about this, and it does sometimes create tension between us (when the money is tight for any of the aforementioned reasons, for example).
I don't care if he ever gets a job, as long as we have enough to live on - I honestly just want him to be happy. I am very appreciative that he does things around the house, he is very appreciative that I pay the bills. I am happy at work, so it's not like I'm working a shitty job that I hate and he is eating bon-bons all day. We both work, I just get paid for mine.
I don't mind telling people that I work and he takes care of the house. Well, I don't care if people if know. I have been hesitant to talk about it, lately, because I'm tired of the reaction. I'm tired of being told that we're wrong, that LittleFierceOne should get some shitty job because he is The Man, and that's what men do.
It annoys me for two main reasons (besides the fact that I don't like being told what to do):
(1) It implies that I am either not capable of or not supposed to take on the role of breadwinner. I should be "taken care of" and not be the one earning the money and paying the bills. I might agree with this on the grounds that I am horrible at dealing with money and deadlines, but not on the grounds that I am a woman. In fact, since it's all on me, I have been much better at paying bills on time and keeping track of my bank account. When it was just me, I didn't care as much, but now that if affects my entire family, I have been much more responsible with money. So, there.
(2) It implies that LittleFierceOne is not contributing to our relationship in a meaningful way. This is insulting both to him, and in general to housewives and stay at home moms. Having a partner who stays home to cook, clean, and take care of the "kids" (furry or otherwise) is not valued when that partner happens to male, so why should it be if that partner is female? I, personally, am quite happy to eat LittleFierceOne's delicious meals and not have to deal with dishes and trash and litterboxes in my time off. I do help him, because I realize that cleaning house is not anyone's favorite thing to do. In fact, I wish I did more around the house because I realize that it is A LOT of work, and I don't think it's a fair trade that I go to work and he does all the house stuff. When people imply that he is not doing enough, it infuriates me because I feel like he does too much.
I honestly don't get it. I don't understand how well-educated and well-meaning people cannot see how insulting and wrong they are when they insist that our current arrangement is "not okay." I am asked regularly if he has a job, yet. If I ever say anything like, "LittleFierceOne cooked a yummy dinner last night," the response is usually, "Well, he should. You shouldn't have to do anything."
Worst of all? I feel like so many people think my husband, the man that I love, is flawed in some way, when they couldn't be further from the truth. Fuck those people. If you think a husband should make money in order to be deemed "worthy," then you can die in a fire. My husband takes care of me when I'm sick, loves me when I'm cantankerous, and forgives me when I'm wrong. He does have some flaws, as do I, but is not in any way neglectful or abusive. I'm a lucky person to have found a person to share my life with who loves me the way that he does.
I think they're all just jealous.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
Being in the same position, I'm totally in agreement with you. Now if only we both could find jobs that make us happy.
Oh, and you guys spending Christmas with us? Perfect! Family should spend Christmas together.
I think I know why people enjoy thinking about the idea of a zombie outbreak. Most of life is a farce of posturing for positions that intimate value without directly holding it (beyond the real values of friendship and family). The zombie apocalypse would force people to show value in action and survival and not through the artificial measures of money, status, fashion, or any other nonsense.
/off rant