ok.
So its not that i hate updating, its judt that i've never been good with words. So most of them end up alot shorter than I thought they would.
Well. Its been an interesting few weeks. One the bands i'm in (and i call it that very liberally) has played out again, The Filthy Midget Suckwhores. Our shows are getting worse and worse, and we love it.
Speaking of love....
Listed in my currwnt crush is a reference to my most recent failure. Well, what i thought was my most recent faiure. Late last year i started to get to know this girl who happened to be one of my best freinds sister. She was seperated from her husband of less than a year, and i was just trying to be a freind. I myself had just gotten out of a bad 2 and a half year relationship in august, i think. So, when I started to think those thoughts, i tried to convince myself that it was just rebounding, and she was married, blah blah blah.....
Then her brother calls me up and asks if i can help him and his girlfreind move her out of her apartment cuz she was moving in with them. No problem. I help people, its one of the few things i'm good at. Besides, I had already helped like five people move that year, so what the hell?
So after two days of moving and being around her, and this deuchebag stalker that was also helping, i realized to myself "haha, fucker! you fell for her. and you fell hard."
Somehow i let something of it slip, and she wouldn't quit asking questions till i told her what i meant by it. So, completely unlike me, i told her how i felt.
"Wow, thats funny" she said.
And this where i expected the awkward(?) rejection, i'm too good of a freind, i'm still married even tho i can't stand my husband...blah blah, you get the picture.
But strangely thats not what happened.
"whats so funy?"
"i just spent the weekend with a guy i can't stand,and a guy i didn't think i had a chance with."
Holy shit. I knew she couldn't stand stalker guy, so that left.....me???
Well, we didn't take it any further than that, after all she was still married, and after months of this things started to get weird. OR maybe it was just my paranoia, which is wayyyyy more likely. I thought maybe she found someone better, and the way i brought it was, well, wrong. Almost completelydestoyed all the trust she had given me, and thought that i had destroyed whatever chance we may have had. So, i did the cowardly thing, and disappeared for 3 months.
And now I really wish i hadn't.
About a month ago, i finally came back down to the house to hang out with her brother, and i found out she was going into the navy. I thought i was over her, but i've only felt that panicky a couple of times in my entire, if short, life. She said we needed to hang out before she left, so the next weekend she called me, i picked her up and we went to see some local bands, most of whom we know anyway. as we left, i realized that somehow we were holding hands. Hmmm.
We head to a bonfire party out in the middle of nowhere, and as we're walking down the very long driveway, i suddenly realize we're not walking anymore.We're just standing there, kissing. for a few minutes. Then she drops the bombs on me, the old "left field" theory in action. She tells she loves me. the L word was something she wouldn't even use when i met her. Tells me she feels things for me that she never felt for her husband. Tells me that shes sorry for driving me away, shich i thought i did....and then tells me the nicest yet scariest thing that anyone has ever told me.
She told me that i make her happy.
And she leaving for the navy in week. a week i got little sleep in, and we spent alot of it together, including her telling me over and over that wanted me to wait for her. And now shes gone, i just got her address today, so i'll be writing her like crazy, and hoping she doesn't find someone better, and chomping at the bit for december to roll around when i'll get to see her again and....
Well thats about it. And if you've managed to sit through all of that, feel free to kick me, or something.
All i know is that anything ever worth having doesn't come easy, and this is something that i want right now more than anything. I jsut hope i'm up for the challenge.
The Mad T.
So its not that i hate updating, its judt that i've never been good with words. So most of them end up alot shorter than I thought they would.
Well. Its been an interesting few weeks. One the bands i'm in (and i call it that very liberally) has played out again, The Filthy Midget Suckwhores. Our shows are getting worse and worse, and we love it.
Speaking of love....
Listed in my currwnt crush is a reference to my most recent failure. Well, what i thought was my most recent faiure. Late last year i started to get to know this girl who happened to be one of my best freinds sister. She was seperated from her husband of less than a year, and i was just trying to be a freind. I myself had just gotten out of a bad 2 and a half year relationship in august, i think. So, when I started to think those thoughts, i tried to convince myself that it was just rebounding, and she was married, blah blah blah.....
Then her brother calls me up and asks if i can help him and his girlfreind move her out of her apartment cuz she was moving in with them. No problem. I help people, its one of the few things i'm good at. Besides, I had already helped like five people move that year, so what the hell?
So after two days of moving and being around her, and this deuchebag stalker that was also helping, i realized to myself "haha, fucker! you fell for her. and you fell hard."
Somehow i let something of it slip, and she wouldn't quit asking questions till i told her what i meant by it. So, completely unlike me, i told her how i felt.
"Wow, thats funny" she said.
And this where i expected the awkward(?) rejection, i'm too good of a freind, i'm still married even tho i can't stand my husband...blah blah, you get the picture.
But strangely thats not what happened.
"whats so funy?"
"i just spent the weekend with a guy i can't stand,and a guy i didn't think i had a chance with."
Holy shit. I knew she couldn't stand stalker guy, so that left.....me???
Well, we didn't take it any further than that, after all she was still married, and after months of this things started to get weird. OR maybe it was just my paranoia, which is wayyyyy more likely. I thought maybe she found someone better, and the way i brought it was, well, wrong. Almost completelydestoyed all the trust she had given me, and thought that i had destroyed whatever chance we may have had. So, i did the cowardly thing, and disappeared for 3 months.
And now I really wish i hadn't.
About a month ago, i finally came back down to the house to hang out with her brother, and i found out she was going into the navy. I thought i was over her, but i've only felt that panicky a couple of times in my entire, if short, life. She said we needed to hang out before she left, so the next weekend she called me, i picked her up and we went to see some local bands, most of whom we know anyway. as we left, i realized that somehow we were holding hands. Hmmm.
We head to a bonfire party out in the middle of nowhere, and as we're walking down the very long driveway, i suddenly realize we're not walking anymore.We're just standing there, kissing. for a few minutes. Then she drops the bombs on me, the old "left field" theory in action. She tells she loves me. the L word was something she wouldn't even use when i met her. Tells me she feels things for me that she never felt for her husband. Tells me that shes sorry for driving me away, shich i thought i did....and then tells me the nicest yet scariest thing that anyone has ever told me.
She told me that i make her happy.
And she leaving for the navy in week. a week i got little sleep in, and we spent alot of it together, including her telling me over and over that wanted me to wait for her. And now shes gone, i just got her address today, so i'll be writing her like crazy, and hoping she doesn't find someone better, and chomping at the bit for december to roll around when i'll get to see her again and....
Well thats about it. And if you've managed to sit through all of that, feel free to kick me, or something.
All i know is that anything ever worth having doesn't come easy, and this is something that i want right now more than anything. I jsut hope i'm up for the challenge.
The Mad T.
kellyjanice:
honey if you're supposed to be together it will work out and even if you think it's supposed to be and it doesn't work out it will be better of in the end trust me my 2 year relationship that i thought was it just ended yesterday and it was for the best...
fuck:
damn dude...