I'm having a hard time explaining how I feel.
One moment, I'm happy. The next I'm sad.
I'm laughing at the TV. I'm on the floor, crying into the dirty tiles.
I want to do nothing. Fuck the cleaning. Fuck the organizing. Fuck the bag of garbage on my porch and fuck the pebbles in my carpet. I want to do it all. Write a novel in a day. Go for a road trip. Become famous. Have people love me for what they think I am.
I sit in my chair.
I can't sit still.
I don't want to get up.
I look for a new DVD to put in the machine. I end up watching the DVD logo bounce around the screen for an hour.
I want to masturbate. I go to a site and start flipping through pictures. Now I just want to put the computer away and sleep.
I always want to sleep, even when I'm not tired.
Even when I don't need to.
Even when i don't want to.
At least when I'm asleep, it all makes sense.
Tomorrow will be another day. It'll be better. It'll be worse.
It'll be another day to experience. I should be happy about that.
Am i?
One moment, I'm happy. The next I'm sad.
I'm laughing at the TV. I'm on the floor, crying into the dirty tiles.
I want to do nothing. Fuck the cleaning. Fuck the organizing. Fuck the bag of garbage on my porch and fuck the pebbles in my carpet. I want to do it all. Write a novel in a day. Go for a road trip. Become famous. Have people love me for what they think I am.
I sit in my chair.
I can't sit still.
I don't want to get up.
I look for a new DVD to put in the machine. I end up watching the DVD logo bounce around the screen for an hour.
I want to masturbate. I go to a site and start flipping through pictures. Now I just want to put the computer away and sleep.
I always want to sleep, even when I'm not tired.
Even when I don't need to.
Even when i don't want to.
At least when I'm asleep, it all makes sense.
Tomorrow will be another day. It'll be better. It'll be worse.
It'll be another day to experience. I should be happy about that.
Am i?