tazgoth

Hmm...sorry i havent wrote anything. i just feel like my life is going nowhere. goddamnit im sick of liveing! everytime i try to OD on something i just cant! pisses me off. Sometimes i wish someone just murder me. I dont have any friends. and i hate it. my family hates me....i dont even know why i keep coming here, every where i go people seem so much better than me. im such a fuckin loser!! i dont know why i keep writing on this site i have no friends here either. Im just a "nothing" every. Im so sick of crying, and cutting myself everynight knowing that it really doesnt help it just numb the pain alittle. ive tried almost every fuckin depression pill......and nothing. And i keep asking god why. "why did you do this to me?" or"im a good person, why me?" its so weird cause i dont even believe in god. Im wiccan/ atheist... i guess when you have no one, you have to think someone is listening to you go on and on about how sad your life is. Ive tried so hard to tell myself "Life goes on" but it doesnt work. I know im strong than this. i made it throught high-school i can make it through this. BUt still im probaly in the worst depression ive ever been in. i just wish i had at least on friend. you know so i could share how shitty our lives are, but then we would have each other to lean on......ive never had that. It seems to me people dont know how lucky they have it, but still they bitch about how their lives are really "bad". Ive had a couple of friends. they have all left or eirther died. I bet no one really wants to hear this, but i dont care anymore. I'm so fucking sick of people getting whta they want while i just sit and watch them tell their family, friends, and lovers. well im sick of bitching....