I know my blogs are generally quite sporadic, but I feel like I need to share where things are at now. We had hubby's parents come around on the Sunday a few weeks back, and it was some of the best time spent with them (my mum came over to support too). It was definitely awkward to broach the topic, but once it began it flowed like I had hoped it would. I had run through scenarios in my head over and over again, and it was better than every one.
His parents are just so open and supportive about everything, and understanding of doing whatever it takes, however I go about it, to get myself to a great place. It was a massive relief to explain myself and my often misunderstood behavior to them both, as I had worried that they may think I don't love them. That was actually how his mum had felt. She had thought maybe she had done something wrong, because I was no longer making trips to see her. I admit that I was upset hearing that because she is such an amazing lady, and I was devastated that I had made her feel like that.
Now that everything is out there it is such a relief. More than anything I am so happy that hubby is able to talk to his parents as well as mine about how he is feeling and worries he has. It is so important to have supportive people who know the situation, and hubby deserves to have someone to talk to apart from me. We haven't told all of our families yet, but it is something we are considering as the healing journey continues. There is still a long way to go, but this is a huge step for both of us.
Overall, I am feeling ok. I've had a few bad days and emotionally been a bit all over the place. I feel like I need to sit down and just let it all out. Write down everything I feel is locked up, and just cry a whole lot of stuff out too. For some strange reason, I actually feel afraid to do this. There have been seemingly 'perfect' times to do this, but I distract myself with menial tasks instead. I said to hubby that when I do this I would like him to be around (in the house), just to be a support for me. This fear of letting it all out is something I do not really understand, but I really need to start releasing this emotional baggage, or I am not honoring myself and my healing journey.
I watched a fantastic documentary called e-motion a few weeks back and there were a couple of ideologies that really hit home with me. The documentary talks about how emotional baggage and traumas are the root cause of a significant amount of dis-ease and dis-comfort in so much of the population. It is not just one method either. They talk about EFT, Meditations, Sensory Awareness, Kinesiology and a whole lot more. It also discusses physics and how deep down, we are all just atoms. We are vibrational frequencies and disruption to these can lead to chaos in the body. It really is a wonderful film. I will leave you with the trailer, and a wonderful quote from Neale Donald Walsch....
A few days ago a lady said to me from Los Angeles;
'My husband died a year ago and he shared with me a great lesson on his death bed. He said to me 'Come close, I want to tell you something. Listen very carefully. I can only say this once, I don't have much strength left.'
She said 'I'm listening darling, what is it.'
He said 'Remember this always...'
Each morning, when you take your head off your pillow.. You have all you need.
