- Court was okay. Ended up having to testify even though the other folks did not show up and ended up having their petition tossed out. Really sucks for them cuz it will just wrongly reinforce their view that they get a screw deal cuz theyre not white. *heavy sigh* I dont care if the kid was green and purple, it doesnt change what happened and the need for as much help that is available to be offered...
And so it moves...
just had a healthy chat with my wife of yesteryear, trying to figure out for her where exactly this great interest of mine was born...She is patient and kind and I don't believe I've ever heard anyone who has met her describe her without using the word "sweet." She truly is. She taught me that "sweetheart" is an experience. I was able to share almost everything that i've been feeling for her, finally, at last, all at once. Well, let's say I stopped short of the "L" word, cuz I was already laying out some pretty out of the ordinary stuff for her to get her head and heart around. She's just the coolest most rockin woman I've ever met. So cool and rockin that even though it is clear she does not share any of the things I feel, or at least anywhere near the same intensity, I feel like a million bucks having finally gotten to share it all with her. Got a few misunderstandings clarified, provided some feedback and honest answers to a few of her queries, got honest answers in return. I have to say it's been most amazing having met her- completely above and beyond anything I've experienced to this point in this life. It's like the instant we met my heart was made whole. Well, almost. There's still a little tiny shred that isn't quite reconnected way down over on the left side...but crap, just over a year ago there was over half this thing that just wasn't feeling right. Did some really wild therapy which helped recover a bit of what had been missing in December of '03, then met the Lovely in October '04 a few weeks after a coworker ended her life. There is just one more thing I forgot to share with her that will hopefully make everything else I said even more clear...it seems kinda corny, but I want to burn a CD, just talk out the last story I want her to hear, maybe plunk out a tune on the banjo, maybe strum a little guitar for her, add a little mando... not quite sure exactly the mix, but it would be hella fun, and I think she'd get a kick out of it, even though I still pretty much suck.
All of which leaves me fancy free and single in heart and deed, but with a newfound appreciation for the power of putting myself in another's shoes. Do it all the time at work, but not to the extent I did trying to figure out how to approach Lovely with everything said this afternoon. Hmmm...again not quite true- the single in heart part, I mean. A lot of this came about when a woman I'd seen a year , year and a half ago at one of our in-house trainings was promoted and started working at our main office back in late January. Hella cute, but with boyfriend at the time. Apparently no boyfriend now, though. And some serious chemistry every once in a while. I mean I-gotta-start-digging-in-my-satchel-for-nothing-just-to-hide-the-very-highschoolish-wood-I'm-sportin kinda chemistry. And I'm no spring chicken anymore. Yoiks. So anyways, Cutey is warming to the overtures I've offered the last coupla weeks after it became apparent that this whole hoohaa of my heart for Lovely was a one-way deal. Actually sat down with the two of them and announced my intention to pursue something with Cutey, while still hopefully being able to continue lunching on occasion with Lovely. How embarrassing was that
! Okay- massive apologies for anyone trying to read this- I do not do well trying to communicate about linear timelines off the cuff like this, and hell if Im going to sit down and rewrite and edit and all that for this journal- gonna keep it raw, and will have to rely on Dear Readers superior wit and intellect to fill in any blanks I may leave.
To summarize:
Met Lovely. Heart was restored. Felt so great being around her I wanted more. Feeling was not shared. Cutey starts working. Starting to feel Cutey, declare intention to continue friendship with Lovely, pursue something with Cutey. Create confusion and misunderstanding between Lovely and I during that declaration. Finally clear it up with Lovely this afternoon. Fully intend to see where things go with Cutey once we return from Vacation. She from some time out west, me with family in Europe. Phew.
Okay, nuf for now, so much to get at this weekend.
And so it moves...
just had a healthy chat with my wife of yesteryear, trying to figure out for her where exactly this great interest of mine was born...She is patient and kind and I don't believe I've ever heard anyone who has met her describe her without using the word "sweet." She truly is. She taught me that "sweetheart" is an experience. I was able to share almost everything that i've been feeling for her, finally, at last, all at once. Well, let's say I stopped short of the "L" word, cuz I was already laying out some pretty out of the ordinary stuff for her to get her head and heart around. She's just the coolest most rockin woman I've ever met. So cool and rockin that even though it is clear she does not share any of the things I feel, or at least anywhere near the same intensity, I feel like a million bucks having finally gotten to share it all with her. Got a few misunderstandings clarified, provided some feedback and honest answers to a few of her queries, got honest answers in return. I have to say it's been most amazing having met her- completely above and beyond anything I've experienced to this point in this life. It's like the instant we met my heart was made whole. Well, almost. There's still a little tiny shred that isn't quite reconnected way down over on the left side...but crap, just over a year ago there was over half this thing that just wasn't feeling right. Did some really wild therapy which helped recover a bit of what had been missing in December of '03, then met the Lovely in October '04 a few weeks after a coworker ended her life. There is just one more thing I forgot to share with her that will hopefully make everything else I said even more clear...it seems kinda corny, but I want to burn a CD, just talk out the last story I want her to hear, maybe plunk out a tune on the banjo, maybe strum a little guitar for her, add a little mando... not quite sure exactly the mix, but it would be hella fun, and I think she'd get a kick out of it, even though I still pretty much suck.
All of which leaves me fancy free and single in heart and deed, but with a newfound appreciation for the power of putting myself in another's shoes. Do it all the time at work, but not to the extent I did trying to figure out how to approach Lovely with everything said this afternoon. Hmmm...again not quite true- the single in heart part, I mean. A lot of this came about when a woman I'd seen a year , year and a half ago at one of our in-house trainings was promoted and started working at our main office back in late January. Hella cute, but with boyfriend at the time. Apparently no boyfriend now, though. And some serious chemistry every once in a while. I mean I-gotta-start-digging-in-my-satchel-for-nothing-just-to-hide-the-very-highschoolish-wood-I'm-sportin kinda chemistry. And I'm no spring chicken anymore. Yoiks. So anyways, Cutey is warming to the overtures I've offered the last coupla weeks after it became apparent that this whole hoohaa of my heart for Lovely was a one-way deal. Actually sat down with the two of them and announced my intention to pursue something with Cutey, while still hopefully being able to continue lunching on occasion with Lovely. How embarrassing was that
! Okay- massive apologies for anyone trying to read this- I do not do well trying to communicate about linear timelines off the cuff like this, and hell if Im going to sit down and rewrite and edit and all that for this journal- gonna keep it raw, and will have to rely on Dear Readers superior wit and intellect to fill in any blanks I may leave.
To summarize:
Met Lovely. Heart was restored. Felt so great being around her I wanted more. Feeling was not shared. Cutey starts working. Starting to feel Cutey, declare intention to continue friendship with Lovely, pursue something with Cutey. Create confusion and misunderstanding between Lovely and I during that declaration. Finally clear it up with Lovely this afternoon. Fully intend to see where things go with Cutey once we return from Vacation. She from some time out west, me with family in Europe. Phew.
Okay, nuf for now, so much to get at this weekend.