takeshi21

What a stunner of a weekend. Within an hour of reconnecting with a dear friend, I learned Friday that I would be laid off from my job by the end of this week, file for unemployment, and receive two weeks worth of back pay. This all came quite unexpectedly, to say the least.

But I am not fazed. Yes, it throws off a number of plans that I had in the works. Yes, this will challenge me to be the resourceful motherfucker that I can be. No, this is not a fate I would deliberately choose for myself. But, it will also force me to move forward in directions which Ive been meaning to proceed for some time.

I dont know the exact reasons my employment will be terminated, nor does it ultimately matter. The decision has been made, and I could expend a needless amount of energy speculating the minutiae of why. But to do so wastes energy I could otherwise spend looking for my next job. Ive been told my performance was much appreciated, that I will be the first rehire when conditions are right, and thats good enough for me.

Saturday, I visited the local taco shop for lunch, where two young Mexican girls held up signs and shouted catcalls for a car wash. At first, I ignored them, and even turned down their request for a donation of some kind. After a few minutes, though, I realized they were raising money to help pay for the funeral of a friend. Knowing that my money would be more important to this family than my unemployed ass, I decided to find the fund raiser.

So whats with the car wash, I asked sheepishly, aware that but moments ago Id blown off the girls entirely.

Were raising money for our friends funeral, the pair chimed in unison. She was nine months pregnant.

The girl in question was named Michelle Berlin Cabral, a very pretty seventeen-year-old who was expecting her first child within the next week or two. She was found dead in a bathtub, apparently after experiencing a seizure from unforeseen pregnancy complications. I was told she enjoyed taking long baths so that it was hours before the body was discovered, long after either mother or child could be saved.

I truly live a charmed life. Despite being a week from losing my job, I still have all my basic needs cared for. I have my health. I have a loving family. I have many loving friends. I am intelligent, reasonably attractive, entirely employable, compassionate, giving, and resourceful. I have a fantastic apartment, live in a vivacious city, own a (mostly) reliable car, and have a dog that loves me more than life itself. I also just ate my first pomegranate, of the season; tart though it was, it portends of good things.

I dont own a house devastated by Katrina nor did I loose my job in its aftermath. I live in a (relatively) civilized society where I can not only buy the foods I need but the foods I desire. I have the capacity to appreciate beauty and to cause it to grow. I still believe in love and am not discouraged by my losses. I still maintain hope that, at some point, it will be mine.

I am remarkably blessed. And, as such, I cannot help but to love the world and share with it that which is my own.

Despite some hiccups, my life is pretty goddamn amazing. Any complaints I have only stem from a hollow self pity. I rather appreciate this quote from Millicent Fenwick, a female American politician from the middle 20th century:

"Never feel self-pity, the most destructive emotion there is. How awful to be caught up in the terrible squirrel cage of self."

Wow. Indeed.