sweetnepenthe

all i can think about right now is how much easier this would be if i had somebody to lean on. am i selfish for wanting somebody in my life who i can look to when i get sick like this? i feel like i'm being selfish.
when i get to the point of not being able to get out of bed for more than an hour a day, when i can't even drive anywhere to get groceries, when i can't walk to the mailbox, when i can't even stand up to take a shower, when all of that happens, i feel not only pathetic, but i feel so scared.

so i guess that's it. i'm pathetic and scared. and it gets worse every day. in the past 48 hours i lost 5 pounds. And all i've been doing is lying in bed. I went out last night, and the only way i was able to was because i took vicodin to ease my stomach pain. i woke up at my friend Scott's house and could barely move. He had to help me to my car.

I can't stand this any more. I am going to be a total selfish nagging bitch and say that i need help.