You know, I really 
love men. I always have. I'm thinking I always will. I bend over backwards to treat them well, preserve their ego, make them feel warm and fuzzy whenever I'm around. I pay attention to the cues, both verbal and non-verbal, and try to make them look and feel good. I'm generous with my time, my money, my efforts. I'm an absolute sex maniac ... but so completely capable of monogamy. So knowing all this, I often think to myself ... WTF! I'm not a man-eater.
So this weekend, my ex took our son and now he won't give him back. We are still technically married, and there is no custody agreement, so basically anyone that has him at the moment has custody. This loser has been out of prison for 6 months (this time -- he's a career criminal) so he's still on parole. He has given dirty tests in this 6 month period and has now been required to go to a drug program. He is living in a sober living house. He has never had enough money to pay me child support (he claims) and even usually demands that I pay HIM to take our son for a day or two. And then I always must endure the verbal abuse when I drop the kid off ... "I'm not watching him again next weekend so you can go out whoring around" and that type of crap. And this MF thinks that he is going to get custody?
I went by the school this morning to see my son, who I had not seen since Saturday, and he just clung to me. The school cannot prevent either his father or I from taking him because there is no formal custody agreement but it is clear that they know the real truth about this situation. My ex called early this morning and said that I could pick him up this afternoon (after telling me last night that I would never see him again and would go to jail if I came to the sober living house trying to get him). It broke my heart to hear my son tell me that his father told him I didn't want him any more and that I was never coming back for him. The poor kid is only in Kindergarden!
Since talking shit has only gotten me in trouble so far (this supposedly happened because of an evil answering machine message I left ... in retaliation for one he had left for me ... but I erase his and he lets everyone hear mine), I will keep my mouth shut here on a public board. I just cannot believe this. Anyway, he said I could pick him up today but then the battery in the cell died just as he started yelling, so he probably thinks I hung up on him and WHO KNOWS how that set him off again. I just hope I don't need to go to court to get a restraining order because I don't want it to come to that. I don't want to hurt my child. I know he loves our boy ... why should it have to come to that? Grrrrrrrrrr!
I have been staying with a friend for the last 5 days because she is afraid to stay alone after kicking out her loser boyfriend. There is no computer there, so I haven't been spending much time updating stuff, but I'm getting plenty of other stuff done. You know, here is another dude that created the problem (being kicked out) by being abusive and he just doesn't get it. It's not like I think I can really protect my friend from this psycho, but I figure he cannot keep us both from dialing 911 at the same time.
I just want a man that is a lover, not a fighter! Are there ANY nice guys left out there? I don't expect much: Don't beat me, don't cheat on me, don't spend all my money, fuck me every once in a while (meaning, probably, daily ... but is that really so bad?). I know I have a pretty nice dude hanging around right now, but I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop on that one, too. His ex called last night and I heard him tell her that he didn't have a girlfriend. I don't know what else you call the woman that sleeps in your bed almost every night. Fine, don't commit to anything ... that dude is NOT going to get a better offer and I can be patient for a while. The only thing that bothers me about this arrangement is that it is this sort of man ... the commitment-phobic ones ... that turn into psychos when I leave because I'm tired of them sleeping around. *sigh* I am just getting too old for this shit!
This week is sucking, too! I think I'm gonna be sick!
Love to you all,
Suzy
love men. I always have. I'm thinking I always will. I bend over backwards to treat them well, preserve their ego, make them feel warm and fuzzy whenever I'm around. I pay attention to the cues, both verbal and non-verbal, and try to make them look and feel good. I'm generous with my time, my money, my efforts. I'm an absolute sex maniac ... but so completely capable of monogamy. So knowing all this, I often think to myself ... WTF! I'm not a man-eater.
So this weekend, my ex took our son and now he won't give him back. We are still technically married, and there is no custody agreement, so basically anyone that has him at the moment has custody. This loser has been out of prison for 6 months (this time -- he's a career criminal) so he's still on parole. He has given dirty tests in this 6 month period and has now been required to go to a drug program. He is living in a sober living house. He has never had enough money to pay me child support (he claims) and even usually demands that I pay HIM to take our son for a day or two. And then I always must endure the verbal abuse when I drop the kid off ... "I'm not watching him again next weekend so you can go out whoring around" and that type of crap. And this MF thinks that he is going to get custody?
I went by the school this morning to see my son, who I had not seen since Saturday, and he just clung to me. The school cannot prevent either his father or I from taking him because there is no formal custody agreement but it is clear that they know the real truth about this situation. My ex called early this morning and said that I could pick him up this afternoon (after telling me last night that I would never see him again and would go to jail if I came to the sober living house trying to get him). It broke my heart to hear my son tell me that his father told him I didn't want him any more and that I was never coming back for him. The poor kid is only in Kindergarden!
Since talking shit has only gotten me in trouble so far (this supposedly happened because of an evil answering machine message I left ... in retaliation for one he had left for me ... but I erase his and he lets everyone hear mine), I will keep my mouth shut here on a public board. I just cannot believe this. Anyway, he said I could pick him up today but then the battery in the cell died just as he started yelling, so he probably thinks I hung up on him and WHO KNOWS how that set him off again. I just hope I don't need to go to court to get a restraining order because I don't want it to come to that. I don't want to hurt my child. I know he loves our boy ... why should it have to come to that? Grrrrrrrrrr!
I have been staying with a friend for the last 5 days because she is afraid to stay alone after kicking out her loser boyfriend. There is no computer there, so I haven't been spending much time updating stuff, but I'm getting plenty of other stuff done. You know, here is another dude that created the problem (being kicked out) by being abusive and he just doesn't get it. It's not like I think I can really protect my friend from this psycho, but I figure he cannot keep us both from dialing 911 at the same time.
I just want a man that is a lover, not a fighter! Are there ANY nice guys left out there? I don't expect much: Don't beat me, don't cheat on me, don't spend all my money, fuck me every once in a while (meaning, probably, daily ... but is that really so bad?). I know I have a pretty nice dude hanging around right now, but I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop on that one, too. His ex called last night and I heard him tell her that he didn't have a girlfriend. I don't know what else you call the woman that sleeps in your bed almost every night. Fine, don't commit to anything ... that dude is NOT going to get a better offer and I can be patient for a while. The only thing that bothers me about this arrangement is that it is this sort of man ... the commitment-phobic ones ... that turn into psychos when I leave because I'm tired of them sleeping around. *sigh* I am just getting too old for this shit!
This week is sucking, too! I think I'm gonna be sick!
Love to you all,
Suzy
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As well, I've learned to become detached from outcomes. In other words, I don't focus on what the end result of my actions might be. This doesn't mean I act irresponsibly, it simply means I put my trust in the universe.
I wish you well!
[Edited on Jan 22, 2005 10:50AM]