I have worked 70 hours in the last 7 days. And I thought I was going to work a "short week" when I came back from Oklahoma! Ha! Well, only three more days to go. I won't work this next weekend if I have to actually kill myself to avoid it.
One day, I might actually explain the Oklahoma thing in more detail. I will say this ... it was the last of my hairbrain schemes. Or at least it was the last of the ones I have scheduled. I was just so desperately trying to recreate something that once existed in another bat place and another bat time. Obviously, it didn't work. I knew it wouldn't work before I left, actually, but it was worse than I thought it would be.
I really have to stop living in the past. Memories are one thing, but trying to be something or someone I'm not is quite another. This becomes more and more clear as I rack on the days of sobriety ... we are at 71 days and counting. I suppose AA is just another addiction, in a way, but at least it's a healthier one. I have commitments at several meetings now and I'm working on my 4th Step ... a thorough moral inventory of myself. No wonder I'm working so hard at my job. It's sort of the lesser of two evils.
But I feel good, too, most of the time. I'm happy from time to time. I am, at the very least, loving myself along the lines described in my last post. It's something.
Anyway, back to the ol' grind!
Love to you,
~Suzy
P.S. I think you're reading this and you know I still miss you. I guess I really always will. Daron said you called and talked to Steven when I wasn't home. Is that true? Can't ask Steve because he's in South Dakota.
One day, I might actually explain the Oklahoma thing in more detail. I will say this ... it was the last of my hairbrain schemes. Or at least it was the last of the ones I have scheduled. I was just so desperately trying to recreate something that once existed in another bat place and another bat time. Obviously, it didn't work. I knew it wouldn't work before I left, actually, but it was worse than I thought it would be.
I really have to stop living in the past. Memories are one thing, but trying to be something or someone I'm not is quite another. This becomes more and more clear as I rack on the days of sobriety ... we are at 71 days and counting. I suppose AA is just another addiction, in a way, but at least it's a healthier one. I have commitments at several meetings now and I'm working on my 4th Step ... a thorough moral inventory of myself. No wonder I'm working so hard at my job. It's sort of the lesser of two evils.
But I feel good, too, most of the time. I'm happy from time to time. I am, at the very least, loving myself along the lines described in my last post. It's something.
Anyway, back to the ol' grind!
Love to you,
~Suzy
P.S. I think you're reading this and you know I still miss you. I guess I really always will. Daron said you called and talked to Steven when I wasn't home. Is that true? Can't ask Steve because he's in South Dakota.
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I read back on your journal and see that times have been tough for you. Try to stay in and focus on today, that's all we can do...one at a time, just 24 hours.
The Bliss Cafe on Vine (I think) has great meetings and very interesting people. I'd be proud to go with you...just let me know.
And when things get difficult, review your "Into" and "makes me happy" items on your profile. You have a lot to be grateful for.
You can always call and talk to me, too. I just sent my number to your SG mailbox.
Take care---you can do this!!!