The rapper Young Jeezy has a line in one of his songs: My house stupid dumb big! My rooms got rooms!!!
No, Jeezy. Those aren't rooms. Those are closets... Your rooms don't have 2 other tiny little rooms with really weird sleeping arrangements inspired by the Japanese.
He'd make a horrible real estate agent. "And over here we have a 32 bedroom house. It has two bathrooms. Each has a bathtub and two tiny little tubs called "sinks." --HB
So, today, I put on a pair of shoes I haven't worn in a very long time. I felt something in the toes as I tried, but failed, to slip each one on. I extract wads of cash. Not much cash--$26 in various bills. This has happened before. I'll put on a suit that is rarely worn and find $100 in a pocket or something--pretty sure a sociopathic ex was rat-packing money away at every opportunity, but got evicted in a rapid manner, and was unable to retrieve her "pirates booty" of 2 years of "retaining" the change of every purchase paid for by yours truly, but whatever. Bygones. That was 2 years ago and I still discover (every now and then) something strange: money in pockets, empty iPhone boxes that contained brand new phones, countless empty sunglass cases, etc.
Anywho, I was so stoked. I was on my way to the ATM because I had no cash and like the commercial says, "It wasn't there a minute ago, then BOOM!"
I'm trying to incorporate this into a gangsta rap:
I'm so rich; even my shoes got money!
I find more money hidden in my closet than you make in month!
I've had more sunglasses stolen than you'll ever own. BAM!!!!
I lost 3 iPhones, Biyatch!!!
Bitches be so dumb that she stole the counterfeit Cartier sitting right next to the real Movado. AAAAAAHHHH!!!! What's up now???? What's up now??? I bought that shit in Afghanistan! I can't believe you fell for that!
As you can see my rap skills are nil. I'm punk rock for life. But if anyone has any suggestions, I think there is plenty of material here.
