Still have that bloody West Coast song on. Perhaps I will like Ultraviolence when it finally drops? I've either had that song or the new Swans album on repeat the past few days. To Be Kind is a fantastic album that is so haunting and yet so groovy at the same time. It's two hours of ugly beauty.
Speaking of idolizing and worship, today is Good Friday: The day that Jesus was crucified according to Christians. I'm an Atheist myself but was formerly a Christian, and I have a very religious family (not to the point of sickening delusion, mind you). They were always okay with my life choices but they'd get mad if I blasphemed, for instance. They were religious enough for these small things to matter to them, but not enough for it to be a crippling burden for me or for them. I've only kept two major parts of my life hidden from them: That I smoke marijuana (not nearly as often now, but still) and that I'm an Atheist. Only my twin sister knows both of these things about me.
I don't feel the need to tell because it has little to do with them. If their beliefs actually did push me away then perhaps I would tell. At this point I have nothing I feel the need to prove. Besides, the instance I tell people I'm an Atheist, I am often met with a response similar to "but you are so nice?"; implying that only good people are religious people. It's peculiar that no one came to talk to me about religion when I was a devoted child, and now that I want nothing to do with it for the most part, I am asked about it all of the time. Is it because people my age are finally questioning their existence and they feel the need to validate their beliefs with everyone around them in a similar situation?
I believe we all indulge in a worshipping of an idol in some way: It is virtually impossible not to. Religion tends to be the most common outlet for such a phenomenon, as it makes sense to find a creator of eternity fascinating. Look at a site like this for instance. We are fans of pin up girls, pop culture, geek fanaticism and more, all of which find their way onto this site. Now, worshipping, to me, doesn't necessarily mean lowering yourself below whatever it is you are driven by. To me, worship is a strong desire you find many emotions of yours are evoked through, and thus you develop more than just a simple understanding or like for whatever it is you are bonding with. Yes, I also believe bonding can happen with not just two or more people, but with one person and whatever it takes for them to understand who they are as people.
To me, people can worship artists, nature, the universe, man made objects, anything. There has to be at least something, at least one thing, that has helped you and anyone else decide their life choices. For me, it was cinema. In university, we learned of two terms. I'm too lazy to look up what they are, but hopefully what they represent will mean more than the possibly butchered labels. These two terms, if I am correct, are "studium" and "punctum" reactions. The studium reaction is a simple admiration for whatever you are drawn to. This is the most common reaction for anything. For instance, this Lana Del Rey song West Coast is still on repeat as I am writing this blog for shit's sake. I am very fond of it and how lush the production is. Now, punctum is much rarer. Punctum is the response to something that is so strong that you recall every single moment of your initial experience. For me, an example of that is Outkast's Ms. Jackson. I remember being ten years old and redecorating my room with astrological maps of various constellations I pieced together myself with glow in the dark stars (it happens). That song struck something with me from that very second and that memory of me hearing it for the first time on my radio walkman while I was on a chair placing stars on a wall will probably stick with me forever (it has for over a decade already).
To me, these ideas don't have to relate only to art. To me, religion is a punctum for many. That's why "getting saved" exists. Something happened to these people; An experience they will cherish until they die. I sometimes wish I was religious or believed in something, anything, just so I had a reason to keep going when life gets difficult. I can never say it is in God's plan, because I don't believe in God. Perhaps, being a clear astronomy aficionado, I can believe that it is "written in the stars" for me, despite constellations being a man made concept (we can write our own fate, maybe?).
Today, I have interviews with two bands (X Ambassadors and Parade of Lights) at downtown Toronto. I have a podcast interview with Juno winning Strumbrellas tomorrow. This is something I'm not being paid to do, but it is something I wish to pursue and continue to achieve for the rest of my life. This is my tattoo across my knuckles. This is my septum piercing. This is the fate I am trying to write for myself, as everyone on here, comfortable with who they are, is used to doing. I am nervous because I barely know the two bands I'm meeting today, but it is that dive into the unknown that makes us discover who we are, isn't it?
This is getting too long and I don't have many followers, but I guess this was my brain spilling online (careful of the mess; watch your step). If you made it this far, have a good day regardless of your beliefs (and to Christians reading this: Have a good Good Friday and Easter weekend!). I'll leave you with the music mentioned in the article, because Lana Del Rey and Outkast need more views, clearly (millions of hits isn't enough! Are you crazy?).
Have a good one,
-Andy