There are times where I feel so… trapped. Is it the circumstances that made me this way or me that made the circumstances? I often wonder if I were more of a risk taker if I would be in a better place. Or would I be lost in the streets fighting for my next meal. As a diabetic from practically birth I really had no choice but to rely on something. If I did not get my insulin I could die a miserable death. But with this reliance have I really ever lived? I shake my head because I am prideful and yet so afraid of letting go of the resources I have in my grasp. I almost hate myself for being so fearful and weak. I have been through hell and took it on with a smile and laughter in my heart for I knew that it was not my fate to stay there. But yet here I dwell. I am full of misery and despair hating my situation yet overwhelmed by my options of struggle before me. Damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Tis a humbling life to always need a helping hand.
