Pulled away from everyone and everything for much of the last few weeks; I think I've irrevocably hurt a couple of friendships, which makes me sad... but I know better than to try to be around people when my brain is malfunctioning.
Been drinking. Helps with getting to sleep, doesn't help with the depression. Feel like I'm grasping handfuls of dry sand, everything is slipping away despite my best efforts to maintain some kind of hold on things...
...
Diplomatically tried to help the friend who wanted me to intercede in her attempts to get onto a car magazine cover, and quite possibly screwed things up for her. Oops.
Stef (not that Stephanie) was sent by her agency to do live promotion a while back at some car show, where she was approached by a guy who works for Primedia, the publishers of Lowrider and other car magazines- he thought she would be a good cover/feature model. Stef's b/f is into that whole culture, so she thought it'd be a cool idea and a present for him, but the agency said "no," while the publisher would only work through the agency... she couldn't freelance.
It seemed odd that the modeling agency would be happy to send Stef to be a live model at a car show (skimpy outfit, handing out brochures), but complain that her posing on a car (skimpy outfit, no brochures) was detrimental to her modelling career... somehow Stef thought that I was good at debating, and asked me to talk to the agency and the publisher, find some middle ground or something. Point out the inconsistencies... Primedia was nice, but insisted that they wanted to work with an agency; understandable, if a bit frustrating. Her agent, though, was pissed, and she received a terse message that they were concerned about her ability to continue modeling... and has received no assignments since. Oops.
...
Got my mailbox open for the first time in a week this morning (lock freezes up all the time) and had a letter from IUPUI stating I'd been nominated as one of 48 "outstanding scholars" up for a "Chancellor's Award," and that, while not receiving that top honor, had been selected as one of four runners-up/honorable mentions, and could I please come to an awards dinner April 21 at the Westin Hotel? Well, I was like... "Yay, I lost! I'm almost, but not quite, a winner!" and noticed the date/time of the dinner interfered with one of my classes... but, going would allow me to perhaps angle for some scholarships or something... dilemma.
...got a call from a IUPUI crony shortly after, wanting to schedule an appointment for me to meet the dean prior to the dinner. Mentioned I'd like to meet the dean (scholarship discussions in mind, nice to suck-up) but that the dinner would not be doable. He suggested strongly that I make the dinner- that my professor would understand when I mentioned the awards part- and mentioned that I'd have to fill out some paperwork to receive my quote-unquote "cash reward."
Cash reward? The letter mentioned nothing about that; I'm curious now as to how much they give... but, cripes. Cash for doing my schoolwork correctly? I've finally achieved nirvana.
...
Oh, and school updates despite the fact that no one cares: the math quiz I thought I screwed up on? 100. Logic class is going swimmingly as well, and the professor has asked me to take her upper-level class on paradoxes (in science, philosophy, etc.) this fall...
Been drinking. Helps with getting to sleep, doesn't help with the depression. Feel like I'm grasping handfuls of dry sand, everything is slipping away despite my best efforts to maintain some kind of hold on things...
...
Diplomatically tried to help the friend who wanted me to intercede in her attempts to get onto a car magazine cover, and quite possibly screwed things up for her. Oops.
Stef (not that Stephanie) was sent by her agency to do live promotion a while back at some car show, where she was approached by a guy who works for Primedia, the publishers of Lowrider and other car magazines- he thought she would be a good cover/feature model. Stef's b/f is into that whole culture, so she thought it'd be a cool idea and a present for him, but the agency said "no," while the publisher would only work through the agency... she couldn't freelance.
It seemed odd that the modeling agency would be happy to send Stef to be a live model at a car show (skimpy outfit, handing out brochures), but complain that her posing on a car (skimpy outfit, no brochures) was detrimental to her modelling career... somehow Stef thought that I was good at debating, and asked me to talk to the agency and the publisher, find some middle ground or something. Point out the inconsistencies... Primedia was nice, but insisted that they wanted to work with an agency; understandable, if a bit frustrating. Her agent, though, was pissed, and she received a terse message that they were concerned about her ability to continue modeling... and has received no assignments since. Oops.
...
Got my mailbox open for the first time in a week this morning (lock freezes up all the time) and had a letter from IUPUI stating I'd been nominated as one of 48 "outstanding scholars" up for a "Chancellor's Award," and that, while not receiving that top honor, had been selected as one of four runners-up/honorable mentions, and could I please come to an awards dinner April 21 at the Westin Hotel? Well, I was like... "Yay, I lost! I'm almost, but not quite, a winner!" and noticed the date/time of the dinner interfered with one of my classes... but, going would allow me to perhaps angle for some scholarships or something... dilemma.
...got a call from a IUPUI crony shortly after, wanting to schedule an appointment for me to meet the dean prior to the dinner. Mentioned I'd like to meet the dean (scholarship discussions in mind, nice to suck-up) but that the dinner would not be doable. He suggested strongly that I make the dinner- that my professor would understand when I mentioned the awards part- and mentioned that I'd have to fill out some paperwork to receive my quote-unquote "cash reward."
Cash reward? The letter mentioned nothing about that; I'm curious now as to how much they give... but, cripes. Cash for doing my schoolwork correctly? I've finally achieved nirvana.
...
Oh, and school updates despite the fact that no one cares: the math quiz I thought I screwed up on? 100. Logic class is going swimmingly as well, and the professor has asked me to take her upper-level class on paradoxes (in science, philosophy, etc.) this fall...
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I think I am going to book the Holiday Inn near your house.