spooky520

i am not normally one to bitch or complain about things that happen to me phyically but i am soooooo tired of this shit. first a little bit about me that most people dont know......as a kid i was the really active one. every sport i coult play i did including some that most people didnt do. i took judo for 15 years or so, reaching that high pleateu of nidan and was very competitive during my teen years. i got my black belt in the Kodokan in Japan and had a 124-4 record in competition including severl aau jr olympic gold medals. so you can imagine the injuries i had during those years........

flash ahead to me in the military....(the navy btw) and i was stationed in california and was assigned to a S-3 squadron (anti submarine warfare airplanes) and was assigned as a final checker which helps launch the airplanes off the carrier and has the last say if the plane flys it mission or not. we had launched some planes from the base in california to the carrier which was already out to sea. we got in the helecopter to head there ourselves and when we reached the pacific ocean (my luck) the damn thing lost all power and we had a "controled landing" into the ocean where i was hurt. nothing like trying to tread water with one arm and one leg in a state of shock. that is until you realize that you have a vest on and all you have to do is pull this little string to active the floatation device. we a year in recovery and several surgeries later i was discharged from the navy......no complaints about this....shit happens .....right? well several years have passed since then and several required surgeries to help with my knee and the lovely va hospital almost kills me during on of those lovely surgeries to help me.......leaving me with migraine headaches and shingles in my lower back.

flash ahead till now and here i am again.......still off work due to my back. still dont know if i am having another surgery because i am both fortunate (and unfortunate) to have one of the best back doctors in the country and can only get in to see him once a month (or so) and im sitting here with my last ct scan and dont see him till later this month. now my shingles have decided to rear their lovely head and have spread across my lower back....on my waist line and it looks like i have a bunch of blisters across there. i am soooooo fucking sick of this shit. tired of the pain involved with it.......thats why i went to the doctor in the first place. couldnt do my job properly......oh yea i guess i should tell you that i worked as a correctional officer/lieutenant of close to 15 years. i was in charge of the yard of a medium security prison with 1300 inmates. well when it got to the point that i couldnt walk down to the yard office from the front of the prison with out being in tears then i knew something was wrong so i went to the doctor. now i have been out of work since january 15, 07 and still dont know whats going on.

so yes im frustrated and pissed off......

yes im tired of being sick and tired and hurting with no end in sight.....

im tired of gaining weight and all that goes with it sitting here because i cant do anything....

and yes im horny as hell cuz i can get into the motion because of my fucking back......

now out of the spoiler (if this works that is. im not retyping so if it doesent work......im sorry)