spooky520

Ok now im am over my ranty self and are more into the retrospective mode. Been thinking about my life and the things that have happened to me......hell its thanksgiving time right.

First off i want to say a few things about myself. I am a single child whos father was in the military for all my young life. Some people have called me a hanger on type person because i hang out with my parents alot but what it comes down to is that when i was a kid and moving from place to place every three to four years, leaving my friends behind and not knowing who or anything about the new place i was to call home the only people that were there were my parents. They were the ones that played ball with me or read with me when i had no friends or anyone to play with. I remember when i was around nine years old and my father was stationed in Hawaii and lived in Naval housing on Ford Island. I wanted to play baseball and they had a team on the island for my age group. After signing up the coach they had for our age group got orders to be transfered and they couldnt get anyone to take his place. My dad, even though working 8 to 10 hours a day and going to college full time at night took it upon himself to step up and become the coach even though not really knowing anything about coaching. I cant even imagine how tired he was but he graduated from collage with a 4.0 gpa and never missed a game or practice.

I dont want to leave my mother out of anything....she was always there to help me with homework, brush away tears with hugs and kisses and just hold my hand when i needed it. She was always there for me emotionally and just physically when i needed her.

The reason i say all these things is that both my parents are dying from cancer. My mom has breast cancer and i want to tell you a little history about this. She has always been troubled by having lumps in here breasts and has always had them checked out. They have always been non cancerous tumors which they have taken out if big enough or just used needles to reduced them. She has always had mamograms every year with nothing but these lumps showing up. Well one day after suffering with some serious shoulder and back pain for over a year she went to her doctor who did the mri/cat scan routine and discoverd that she had cancer in the bones of her shoulder, back and pelvis. Of course tons of tests followed and it showed that she also had brest cancer and the tumors in the bones were also breast cancer which had spread. We dont know how come the mamogram that she had the year before did not show the cancer but it didnt. This cancer has spread to her stomach and bladder since this and she is still hanging in there. There is not treatment really for her....she just takes an infusion once a month to try to keep the bones strong (any fall or misstep on her part could cause a bone to break), and pills for her stomach to help keep down the acid reflux and all the bile that comes up so she can eat. The doctors have given her 6 months or so to live and that was 4 months ago.

Now my dad who has taken her to all the doctors appointments, treatments and just all the bull shit you have to go through has been there through everything. After about a year, he was feeling tired all the time and just wasnt feeling well. Of course, with my mohters urging he finally went to the doctors and they found a really small tumor on his pancrius (sp). There was no sign of being cancerous or not so they scheduled him for surgery to remove it. Of course with our luck they discovered when they cut him open was that the tumor was cancerous and that it had spread to his liver....they just closed him up without removing the tumor. Dad has been going through chemo (funny story here....at least to me so bear with me and i will relate it to you. Dad has had a gotee for several years which mom hates. Being older it has turned preatty much snow white. He started losing his hear due to the chemo so my son and i just shaved his head for him. After awhile he lost all the hair on his body....legs, arms, eyebrows and lashes......everything but the gotee......which of course mom who was looking forward to it falling out was disapointed. now that his hair has been comming back it is really dark brown with just a hint of white.....how wierd is that?????...ok back to the rest of the story), and they say now that some of the tumor has been shrinking which is really great news. All he wants to do is last for a few more years to pay off some bills and see my kids graduate. Maybe he will, i hope so at least.....as there is no cure for his cancer maybe they can put it in remission for awhile.

Now for the people who look at me strange when i tell them i live with my parents, i wish you could read this so you would understand. Yes i am over forty and live with my parents, why wouldnt I. They are my parents and my best friends who need my help. I can spend the time with my mom who isnt going to last long and be there for her when she cant lift something or reach anything (she is only 4'10" tall anyway). I can mow the lawn for my dad since he cant be exposed to alot of things as the chemo has droped his immunity system and infections could kill him. Its been hard on me since I hurt my back and had to have surgery and now have two rods in my spine but you know what....we take care of each other and it works. If you knew that someone you loved was going to die....would you not want to spend time with them if you could?

Now for all the women that read this....my friends who are on here....please take care of yourself, do self exams and dont hesitated to get things checked out. If you saw the pain that someone with cancer goes through you wouldnt hesitate. Guys do the same thing.

Now the holidays approach and thanksgiving is this week.....remember the things that we have and be thankful for them. Show the people that you love how much you do.....This is a time of happiness and celebration. Remember the people that have nothing, drop some pocket change in the donation cup at the local supermarket or that annoying santa ringing his bell.

Im really not sad that these things have happen to my family.......i wonder why sometimes and will miss my parents when they go. I just know it will be to a better place then here. I will just miss the things that they have always do.....the small things mostly.

Like i said i have been thinking about my life and wanted to say thanks to my parents because with out them, my life wouldnt have been as good as it has and wouldnt have been full of the smiles and laughter that make life worth living.

Kisses to all my friends......I will tell you, I love you and wish you all the happiness this life has to offer. I hope you have a great week and a great holiday season.

Tony aka spooky