speed_metal

God, I'm so confused. Better or Worse? I don't recall a time where things seemed so blatently obvious that they would somehow certainly go one way or the other. Either way scares the hell out of me. I remember a time when being frightened was something I liked. But it doesn't seem that recent.

I'm on vacation after saturday for a week. It's kindof confusing, because I absolutely have to get away from work, 'cause it's stressing me out, but I'm really down on how I anticipate this week is going to go. I wish it were as simple as "go and do something (different)" but I think I'd just be hating everything out of my completely horrid mood....
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I still don't think there could be anything better than having them share themselves with me, without saying anything, and just laying there, listening to thorns, finding peace in the dark.

Since that's not going to be happening any time soon.... if at all, I suppose I don't need to worry about what life would be like afterwards.

I'm a good listener. No, fuck that,...
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Sometimes I wonder how I manage to continue to pull off "sane" what with no real outlet for dealing with the following moods; sad, angry, lonely, confused, horney, and a bakers dozen other variations on the subject.

I fucking hate sleep. Arrrrrrrrrr. *blink*...*slower blink* looks like it's about time to show sleep how much I fucking hate it...

How to confuse a Speed Metal:

1. Be a (interesting) woman
2. Be friendly to me, seemingly on a more than normal scale than everyone else.
3. Be almost as blunt as I am when you talk about relationship status. Example:

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Kindof, but I really hate him right now. Why?"

"BecauseIthinkyourreallynice,andIwantedtoaskyouout,butIdon'tliketheideaofdoingthatwhensomeone'sinarelationship."

"Yeah, I understand."

What the fuck is that supposed...
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Ugh, I hate sleep... and I'm not sure if it loves me, or hates me back. Fucking sleep. Hey, anyone happen to be doing a sleep deprevation study they can enroll me in for cash? I'll take vacation from work to tell sleep to fuck off for science (... or just cash... or even just the fuck you sleep).

I want to do things that aren't "good" to do, but feel fantastic. I wouldn't mind sharing what's going on in my head if it could spill out of my head making any possible shred of sense, but it wouldn't, but it doesn't matter, because there isn't anyone around that want's to hear it.

I hate thinking all the time.

Awesome, I didn't get a yes, but it wasn't a "no" either.

Cephalectomy is going well, hopefully I don't sound as bad recorded as the critic in my head says I do.

So now I play the waiting game to find out if my attempt at biting off more than my massive jaw should try and chew, will lead to an achey mouth, or an empty one.

Sick... Fuck