notes from the underground, or, thursday night & what I learned:
-it feels really weird to make out with someone else when you've been with one person for a long time.
-it's pretty fun being single
-I suspect I'm cuter than I think I am
-I love my friends they're so beautiful and weird and all so creative and amazing in their own ways.
-I don't know why I hibernate for such long stretches. I'm really very social. I guess it must fulfill some need I have for solitude and self-loathing.
-I brought this dude home with me, I'm not really sure why, he was cute (he works for apple and has an apple tattoooed on his inner arm. I thought that was pretty hardcore) and I know he liked me and he lives in Chicago, so I won't have to deal with any shit later amongst friends... I think I can't resist a smart boy in expensive glasses, good jeans, and a good haircut. I didn't even know he had lots of killer tattos underneath yet either. so we were at this party at my friend's house and everyone was having drama and sexual tension was rampant (mostly the work of a few outsiders who got jealous, not realizing that amongst our group of friends basically everyone has slept together at least once anyway. noone cares anymore), and he was yawning and I didn't want to do any more coke and it was like 3.30 so I just said "do you want to come home with me?" that's very unlike me. but it felt good. I've never been rejected, I have no idea why I'm so scared of it. I think we had more fun talking than having sex but whatever it was ok. his dick was huge. we snuck out and ditched the party and I got to kiss 3 cute girls on the way out: yesss. very sneaky.
-ok dude, here's the weird part: I woke up at like 8 to go pee and I looked down and the toilet paper was bright red. I was bleeding a LOT and I totally got all dizzy and almost blacked out for a second walking back to my room and I can't figure out how it happened. It was too early to get my period, and it really freaked me out. I didn't tell him and I think he would have told me if he was covered in blood or something. Later after he left for the airport and I slept some more & then examined myself I realized that somehow something must have cut me. How did that happen? we didn't even do anything that exciting. I was relieved that none of the gruesome scenarios I was imagining seem to be the truth. the bleeding has now stopped, thankfully. but it was incredible to feel that intense physical reaction to seeing my own blood, so bright red and when I was all cracked out & shaky anyway. literally as soon as I stood up from the toilet, thinking about the astonishing brightness of the blood, I started to black out.
-so I had a good thursday night. oh, and here's how fucking incredible my karma must be: I left my bicycle outside the bar where c's fashion show was in the tenderloin, and rode in someone's car to the party, and IT WAS STILL THERE, including all of it's usual parts when I went back this afternoon to get it! I so fucking expected it to be gone. It was dumb to leave it there but o well, I guess my lock/luck is good.
-sorry this entry probably isn't witty or particularly interesting. I'm tired (& hungry!) and I can't think of any other shit to discuss.
-I'm going to run 12 miles tomorrow!
-it feels really weird to make out with someone else when you've been with one person for a long time.
-it's pretty fun being single
-I suspect I'm cuter than I think I am
-I love my friends they're so beautiful and weird and all so creative and amazing in their own ways.
-I don't know why I hibernate for such long stretches. I'm really very social. I guess it must fulfill some need I have for solitude and self-loathing.
-I brought this dude home with me, I'm not really sure why, he was cute (he works for apple and has an apple tattoooed on his inner arm. I thought that was pretty hardcore) and I know he liked me and he lives in Chicago, so I won't have to deal with any shit later amongst friends... I think I can't resist a smart boy in expensive glasses, good jeans, and a good haircut. I didn't even know he had lots of killer tattos underneath yet either. so we were at this party at my friend's house and everyone was having drama and sexual tension was rampant (mostly the work of a few outsiders who got jealous, not realizing that amongst our group of friends basically everyone has slept together at least once anyway. noone cares anymore), and he was yawning and I didn't want to do any more coke and it was like 3.30 so I just said "do you want to come home with me?" that's very unlike me. but it felt good. I've never been rejected, I have no idea why I'm so scared of it. I think we had more fun talking than having sex but whatever it was ok. his dick was huge. we snuck out and ditched the party and I got to kiss 3 cute girls on the way out: yesss. very sneaky.
-ok dude, here's the weird part: I woke up at like 8 to go pee and I looked down and the toilet paper was bright red. I was bleeding a LOT and I totally got all dizzy and almost blacked out for a second walking back to my room and I can't figure out how it happened. It was too early to get my period, and it really freaked me out. I didn't tell him and I think he would have told me if he was covered in blood or something. Later after he left for the airport and I slept some more & then examined myself I realized that somehow something must have cut me. How did that happen? we didn't even do anything that exciting. I was relieved that none of the gruesome scenarios I was imagining seem to be the truth. the bleeding has now stopped, thankfully. but it was incredible to feel that intense physical reaction to seeing my own blood, so bright red and when I was all cracked out & shaky anyway. literally as soon as I stood up from the toilet, thinking about the astonishing brightness of the blood, I started to black out.
-so I had a good thursday night. oh, and here's how fucking incredible my karma must be: I left my bicycle outside the bar where c's fashion show was in the tenderloin, and rode in someone's car to the party, and IT WAS STILL THERE, including all of it's usual parts when I went back this afternoon to get it! I so fucking expected it to be gone. It was dumb to leave it there but o well, I guess my lock/luck is good.
-sorry this entry probably isn't witty or particularly interesting. I'm tired (& hungry!) and I can't think of any other shit to discuss.
-I'm going to run 12 miles tomorrow!
i just got to LA, sooooo tired, drove the whole way.
by the way, notes from the underground is one of the best books that i have recently read. do you have any suggestions of books that are of the same speed?