somuchrain

There are so many reasons people go from place to place. Vacations are such a lovely thing: the ability to get away from everything that troubles and focus on pleasure for a time. Funerals cause travel also. I know two friends who, no matter where they are, or what they are doing, spend September 11th together after waking up next to one another that morning. No matter the number of months I'd spent there before, my first memory of Ireland is my Dado's funeral.

I left Vermont because it was full of leaving; it was overflowing with leaving. I didn't have anything to do there other than work and drink and watch movies. Though that's all well and good, I thought there might be something more elsewhere, so I left. That and the last lease ended and we'd burned all our furniture.

Bright meaning and bohemian sensibilities aside, I had nowhere to go and spent a month at my father's house sleeping in the basement on a blow-up mattress that couldn't stay blown. I made walls out of the boxes of my things that I refused to open because it implied permanence. I don't do well with my father and his new family, but he's the wealthy one so ... there I could stay.

I came to Jersey because I had a friend here. If not for her I wouldn't have left my father's and I don't regret it. She's the closest friend I've ever had and I would have moved here just to see her. But I moved here for so much more than that. I moved her to try and live a somewhat adult life, not in the tedious commute job commute food sleep sort of way, but to get some control from my life and some serious distance from my father. It's a bastard having to rely on a person you don't really know for daily sustenance and life. I signed a quick lease and he co-signed, and I got a quick job assuming I would find something better and I didn't so most of my rent was late, or not payed at all, and in lieu of court my father payed it and now I'm in debt to him, and not another sort of stranger.

I became closer to my best friend, and strange things happened with another kind of best friend whom I was supposed to live with in New York this months, and I fell in love with the most amazing, confusing, lovely, and complicated person I've ever met and now I'm waiting for my father to come and pick me up and take me home to live with him because I've fucked up and have no other options, again.