Hey all, :)
First off I want to say that I wish that I could write blogs on here as often as I would like. My sleep is insane right now but I feel good right now so thought I could get onto the PC and say hello!
HAPPY 5TH NOVEMBER!
If you are in the UK you know what it is.....I am having some very fond memories of my Grandpa today. Every 5th November we would go to a big fireworks display. Grandpa and me would hold hands and stare into the flames for hours, having to move away occasionally because it would get too hot. We would light sparklers and dance around waiting for the fireworks to start. Grandpa and me would stare up into the sky in the cold watching the exploding rockets and Catherine wheels. Afterwards we could go inside where there would be hot dogs with fried onions and us kids would drink pop. Sometimes me and Grandpa would do silly dancing on the disco floor, Grandpa was more confident than me :) I would be scared of the crowd but Grandpa always made me feel safe. I miss you Grandpa and I was so lucky to have you in my life, you were my father, my Dad. You died on the 4th of July.......it always makes me wonder?
"White in his hair and gold in his heart"
I would love to light fireworks tonight and bask for a while in memories but since I am living in America now I am not sure if I can? Every 4th of July is like my 5th of November. I prop a photograph up of Grandpa while I light the fireworks, I always feel him close.
So something very exciting is happening in December, I am getting my own horse again! She is called Misty, a dark bay quarter-horse. As soon as she first arrived at the barn I felt a bond with her. Misty's eyes are so deep and she is so beautiful. Everyone at the barn is scared to ride her, she bucks, takes off, throws riders off and she decides when she wants to stop working. She is different with me, we work together, it is as if Misty knows me and I know her. She will try to intimidate but with me she knows it won't work :) I feel such a bond and spiritual connection with her. I am a very spiritual person and horses are spiritual creatures, maybe that is why......? Misty will save my life. I was not planning on being here next year, Misty is the light.
I have got back to playing Xbox again and I got a game free with gold. It seems to help my OCD, it's repetitive and organized, just what I need right now. I am such a recluse sometimes, holed up in my apartment playing games and sleeping when my body allows it. I am like a zombie, hoping to come out of it soon.
Painting is still helping me a great deal, it distracts me, I focus on the colour my energy going into the painting. I am terrible at painting but it helps so that is important. Recently I have started painting my dreams. My dreams are always very intense and I will analyze a dream for 2 to 4 days trying to figure out what my subconscious mind is trying to tell me. Last night I had quite a disturbing dream. It was 3am in the morning and there was an intersection, as I was running down the lane I could see what appeared to be bloody objects. As I got closer a man told me to go back and I refused, I kept going and there was a herd of sheep totally obliterated, parts of the sheep were strewn all across the road, it was a blood bath. A truck had ran into them as the herd crossed the road and killed them all, it was so sad. Afterwards the guy who told me to go back when I was running joined me as I was walking back down the lane. He was a stranger to me (which is odd because everyone I encounter in my dreams I know even if I have never met them before in waking life etc) we seemed to know each other in the dream though and this dream was lucid so it got a little confusing? He took my hand and we walked to a cemetery. We were close, like we could have been lovers. Nothing happened though but that feeling was very prevalent. I left him and found myself walking down the lane again and it was daybreak. A group of teenagers were excited, wanting to see what had happened. I was trying to stop them, being as persistent as I could be, that once they see what was at that intersection, those images can never be taken away. They didn't care what I said so I just warned them as best I could. That is only one part of the dream, it then went onto different things. I have an idea about the sheep, maybe because the sheep were dead then that means that I could be changing, I am no longer going to be so timid or controlled, following my own path and not as afraid. I have 4 or 5 dreams when I sleep that I remember so it is always a lot to process. If any of you have more input I would love to hear what you think! I hope I didn't disturb any of you with some of my descriptions?
I still am missing my darling Cali, since she has left I have a void. I know she is happy though, I dream of her and also see her from time to time. She is happy, she can see again, she is healthy and fit and she just loves to run, just like it should be. Miss you girl but I know you will always be with me. xox
Looks like I have a new set going up on December 11th. I hope it does well, so much to learn! SG is a different type of modelling that I haven't experienced before and I am so happy to be on the site.
Anyway I am going to go for now. Will leave you with some pictures as always :) Pictures of Misty and me (some I might have uploaded before) a pictures of some paintings, Calico and me and one picture from my new set.
Love you all, be safe and happy!!! xoxoxox
