One year ago today.....
I awoke to a buzzing cell phone alarm. I didn’t get mush sleep that night. I just lay there with my eyes open for the most part. Wondering what the next 15 months had in store for me. Ill admit at the time I was scared. I was scared that I would lose everything that meant the most to me, or better yet not make it back alive.
As I finished up my last minute packing and carried all my things to my car, I stopped outside the front door to my apartment. I sat down on a chair, which had been left there from a going away party we had a couple nights before. I just needed a minute to breathe the fresh air and take everything in. All kinds of thoughts were racing through my head, and I just felt like screaming. Would I ever get to see my family again, would I ever catch another wave, or ever get to feel the embrace of the woman I loved again. Those were just some of the things I could not stop thinking about.
I kept telling myself it’s not too late to just run away and never look back. I know she will come with me I thought to myself. She, being the woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with at that time. But instead I just took another deep breath wiped the tears from my eyes, and gathered the rest of my thoughts. I had to try and look strong in front of the people I loved. I didn’t want to make them feel as scared as I felt. I didn’t have much time left and I wanted them to be as happy as possible.
That morning we all met up at the unit head quarters and had a formation. Afterward we would have a chance to tell our families goodbye before we boarded the bus to go to the air port. Man telling someone you love that you are going to be leaving them on their own for over a year is probably the hardest thing I ever had to do. I had to keep my glasses on that way no one could see the tears welled up in my eyes. Really I couldn’t even think of much to say. Just that every thing would be alright and it would be over soon. I can only imagine how hard it was for the people who were explaining this to their children and wives for the second and third times.
After all of the crying, hugs, and, kisses. I managed to squeeze out a few fake smiles, hopefully giving everyone a feeling of reassurance. Then we all lined up and got on the bus. I was finally able to get a little bit of sleep on the way to the airport. I think all of the anticipation of getting on the bus had wore off. I was finally accepting the fact that I was actually going to Iraq and not coming back for 15 months. Finally I was on the plane getting ready to start a journey that would defiantly change the away I think about things.
Now 365 days later I am a totally different person, my views and opinions on Iraq remain the same, which I can not openly discuss on a blog Due to the fact that I may get in trouble. But I can say that since I have been over here I have made a lot of friends, learned a lot about a people and culture that I never would have otherwise took the time to. I am proud of the things that I have accomplished in the last twelve months, and every time I see a little Iraqi child smiling or thanking a soldier or other service member it gives me a great feeling of accomplishment.
I still have a little over two months left. Even though it has been quite a rollercoaster ride: the awkward goodbyes, the intense camaraderie, the looking out for fellow Soldiers. What may not be familiar to most has for a short while became everyday life for me. On top of that I basically have to go back to the states and start my entire life over from scratch,. I still don’t regret a minute of it, and wouldn’t change anything about it. To all my loved ones I cant wait to see you again, and thank you for the unbelievable support that you have showed me over the last year. I don’t think i could have made it without you all. See everyone soon!
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
user0207231052:
You are so fucking sweet and you seriously just made my day. Thank YOU for being who you are...I wish more people were as open minded and kindhearted as yourself
user0207231052:
Thank you so much for your compliment...you just made my day