smirkingatyou

Every week, we have a Morbity and Mortality conference. This week, a patient was presented that seemed familiar. He was my patient, and he died. This is the first patient I've ever had that has died. I wasn't there for the operation, but I helped take care of him afterward. For days I Iooked out for him. . .kept up with his labs and such. . . spent time with him and his wife. . .watched him recover after surgery, then deteriorate. None of us knew what was happening. We consulted the experts, but no one saw it coming. He fell into a coma and lingered for a while. When I changed services, I would ask about him from time to time. One day, after things went bad, I saw his wife in the hall. I hugged her and spoke to her for a while. I tried to explain things as best I could, but I never apologized. I don't apologize for anything I can't control. I comforted her with the knowledge that we did everything we could. I never resorted to the trite statements:
"Things happen for the best."
or
"It was God's will."
I don't believe that. The truth is that sometimes bad shit happens. I don't know why, and I may never know. We do what we can, and we deal with the consequences. The rest is wishful thinking and posturing.

I don't know what you all believe, and ultimately, I don't care. Tell your family that you love them. Tell your friends. Tell your kids. Hug them all.