It's 4:20, no significance no, other than I just can't sleep. It's always been weird, being a stranger to everyone, loved by all. Tonight it's on my nerves. I don't want to see anyone, hang out, anything, which is a change for me. It's not apathy, it's not depression (for once), I just don't know, nor do I really care. I'm done picking people's psyches apart, figuring shit out for myself about me, etc. I guess the only thing that does even bother me is this:
This is the rest of my life.
It just kinda hit me the other day, something that usually doesn't hit people for another 4-5 years. I'm older and younger for my age at the same time.
I've got a cute date saturday, don't really care. The final peices of my new PA arrive tomorrow, don't really care. A ton of new wax arrives tomorrow, lots of it prerelease... don't really care. Had a night of my own out, gave it up, didn't really care.
I guess I just have to find what drives me anymore, if it exists. It sounds like hopelessness, but that would have me in panic attacks, but I just don't care. Weird. Should try sleeping again I guess.
This is the rest of my life.
It just kinda hit me the other day, something that usually doesn't hit people for another 4-5 years. I'm older and younger for my age at the same time.
I've got a cute date saturday, don't really care. The final peices of my new PA arrive tomorrow, don't really care. A ton of new wax arrives tomorrow, lots of it prerelease... don't really care. Had a night of my own out, gave it up, didn't really care.
I guess I just have to find what drives me anymore, if it exists. It sounds like hopelessness, but that would have me in panic attacks, but I just don't care. Weird. Should try sleeping again I guess.
recordandplay:
I understand these feelings completely.