This is often the problem I have in conversations: I'll either tend to be very quiet and not say anything for fear of not getting my point across correctly, in a way that is unambiguous, direct, sensitive and clear, or I'll say something straight off and be misunderstood because I worded it clumsily.
My concern about this blog post is that because it's a little complex, and likely to be lengthy, and I'm a little out of practise with structuring my thoughts in this way, it'll all be a mess of incoherence. But I'll give it a shot.
OK, here goes!
Logic, Love and Happiness
Mathematics and growing up
Maths is essentially logic. I learned when I attended university that maths doesn't always require numbers. It's not always quantitative, it's just a set of methods that leads from a premise to a conclusion.
The key thing about logic (and therefore maths) is that it works. Look around you... everything (and I mean, quite literally, everything) is the way it is because of maths. The clothes you're wearing (assuming you're not naked), the furniture you're sitting on (assuming you're not standing), the walls and floor of the building you're in (assuming you're not outside) only exist because of logic (I deliberately missed out the computer you're reading this on because if you need it pointing out to you that without maths we wouldn't have computers you should really stop reading). Even the natural world outside is the way it is because of maths and logic (though I wont go into that cos itll take me way off topic).
When you're sitting at a school desk with a teacher at the front of the room, pen and paper in hand, and you start to follow these steps towards their logical conclusion to answer questions, problems etc. you begin to notice that some people in the class are having a higher success rate at following the steps to their conclusion than others. While it's evident that all people are different, it's not easy to understand why. Some of my classmates were exceptionally talented at art, whereas I still have trouble drawing a convincing stickman. Others had a level of control over their body that made them excel in sports. Not me! And while I may envy people for the talents they have that I don't, I had my own talent and that was a knack for grasping logic. Occasionally, during a maths lesson, a friend would ask me to look at what they'd done to check they'd done it right. If you're regularly awarded with high marks, you gain a reputation for these things and people will quite naturally turn to you if they're struggling, and so it was with me. Yes, of course, these were school days, and the old juvenile disdain for achievers was always there, but it carried a level of respect too. If somebody was struggling, they would quite happily come to me and say "I can't quite get this. Can you help?" from which I'd look over their working and, if they'd made a mistake, I would quickly spot it. I'd point out the mistake, explain why the logic didnt follow, describe the step they should take instead, and explain why they should take that step, and they would be grateful. They'd also know, in future, how to tackle a similar problem whenever it cropped up.
Being able to reach a conclusion logically was useful because it's the only real surefire way of getting to the right conclusion. Because I was good at it back then, I was regarded as the brainy kid. Of course, that didn't mean shit when creating works of art, or playing at sports, or social skills or success with girls (too right!) but when a matter of logical consequence was in question, I was certainly respected because... I was usually right.
One of the things it taught me was not to jump to conclusions, or to stay firmly fixed to a belief that future evidence points away from. If you follow evidence, it generally leads you to the truth, whatever that truth might be.
Perhaps my experience at school of seeing people excel in areas that I could only dream of, while I was naturally good at some things that others werent so good at should have prepared me for the experiences I have as an adult. Of course people dont think the same way that I do, I know that. And of course people hold different beliefs and reach different conclusions to the ones that I come to, I expected that. What I wasnt prepared for was the way in which people would cling to their beliefs and conclusions despite strong contradictory evidence. It seems that when you leave school and you no longer have a teacher marking your papers and giving you a score (that you naturally want to be high) you dont care about reaching the right conclusions anymore. Instead, people who hold beliefs tend to expend their energy on insisting their belief is right instead of simply following the logic and finding out what the truth is. This surprised me.
I do find it hard to understand it when people believe something that my logic wont accept. My brain just doesnt work that way. I seem to be hard-wired to think the way that I do. I can't help being who I am and I wouldn't change it even if I could. Being able to reason logically is a skill that I value and treasure.
People
Here's a quote from Albert Einstein to help me illustrate my point:
Strange is our situation here on Earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to divine a purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: that man is here for the sake of other men - above all for those upon whose smiles and well being our own happiness depends.
Smart guy, that Einstein fella. Said and did a lot of clever things. This, however, just seems like plain common sense to me. I can't fathom the notion of a person who can be indifferent to the feelings and sensitivities of those around them, especially the ones we love (though I am aware that people like this exist and are known as sociopaths). To see a loved-one happy is to be happy. To see a loved-one in distress or unhappy can be heartbreaking.
I saw a film recently called Into The Wild. If you havent seen it I highly recommend it, its beautiful. There was a quote from that film that struck a chord with me and, without giving anything of the plot away, Ill briefly put this quote into context: this young guy spends a lot of time alone in the wild and, at the end of the movie, he writes in his notebook Happiness only real when shared. This is a sentiment I can understand. I recently read a blog post here on SG (I wont say who, but if youre reading youll probably recognise yourself) about a couple taking a trip to Brighton together. The girl writing described the places they went to, the things they did and showed photos. I remember looking and reading and smiling, thinking that looks so cool and fun. Id like to go there and see that. But then I remembered... Id be missing out on the key thing that would make it enjoyable, i.e. somebody to enjoy it with. As of the past few months, I no longer have a partner. An experience... any experience... is greatly reduced, almost to the point of meaninglessness, if you dont share it with the right person. Well, its like that for me anyway.
Sometimes I read something or see something, or find myself in a place that makes me think Wow, this is amazing/beautiful/funny/so true! When those moments are shared with somebody you care about, its a much warmer feeling.
Skepticism
To some extent, everybody is skeptical. We all know about beliefs that somebody else has that we don't share. The most obvious example to me would be religious belief. Nobody believes in ALL religions. You're either one religion or none at all. If you're a Sikh, you're skeptical about Buddha and Mohammed; if you're a Christian, you're skeptical of Guru Nanak and Krishna and Vishnu; in fact, if you belong to any religion, then you're skeptical about all others except your own. But I use religion just as an example because it's the most commonplace non-evidence-based belief system in our culture. Many other such examples exist: alternative medicine; mediumship; grand conspiracy theories; UFO believers; cryptozoology; marketing scams; destiny; the list goes on and on!
Voltaire once said:
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.
Weve seen this all the way through history and its brought right up to date when young men fly aeroplanes into buildings or detonate bombs on underground trains. But as well as making you the oppressor or the terrorist, it can also make you a victim. Many have died or suffered needlessly as a result of their rejection of conventional medicine in favour of alternative therapies, or lost their life savings because of some marketing scam. This is what scepticism protects you from.
The Closet
Although I was baptised as a child, my home was pretty much a religion-free zone. It wasnt outright denied, it simply wasnt an issue. Not on the radar. Then, still a kid, I joined the scouts and part of being a scout was church attendance on a Sunday. Not every Sunday, I think it was once a month or something like that, but I remember then a feeling of pointlessness when I could have been riding my bike or climbing a tree. At around the same time, I remember several occasions of calling out to the skies, challenging God to hit me with a lightening bolt, but no such bolts ever came.
And so my metaphysical beliefs remained unchanged the duration of my life: no compelling evidence to pull me away from the null hypothesis.
Then you start to notice a few things about the world around you:
The first important thing you notice is that people argue all the time about their differences of opinion, whether its political or ideological or economical, and rarely, if ever, are people aggrieved by the challenges their opponents may pose to their way of thinking. This seems true of different schools of thought on economic issues, for example, or any way of thinking thats arrived at through contemplation and reason. But any belief arrived at through emotion or desire, that isnt supported by evidence, goes unchallenged. As a kid, you ask questions anyway, through navet, not knowing that the questions you ask make people uncomfortable. Then as you grow, you get a sense of what you should question and what you shouldnt if you want to avoid upsetting people, that is. And, going back to my section entitled People, you may correctly suppose that I didnt like to upset people, so Id tend to keep my mouth shut.
The second important thing you begin to notice is that there seems to be a lot of stupid and needless harm being done because people are unwilling to question certain things. Growing up in 80s/90s UK there was a lot of talk about the troubles in Northern Ireland. The IRA were the al-Qaeda of the time for us back then, the bogeymen flashed all over the news that are coming to get you! with their bombs. So naturally, you ask why theyre fighting, and who is fighting. Well, its the Protestants and the Catholics. This made no sense to me. Id been baptised into the Church of England which apparently made me, technically, a Protestant, while my next-door neighbour and best friend at the time was a Catholic (at least in the sense that his parents were Catholic and he went to a Catholic school). Why werent we killing each other? After a while, you learn to stop asking questions cos none of the answers make any sense.
It reminds me of a line from one of George Carlins stand up shows:
Military cemetaries around the world are packed with brainwashed, dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies, our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebodys gonna be disappointed! Somebodys wasting their fucking time! Could it be everyone?
When my mum told me once that she was going to see a homeopath I just stood there blinking. I kinda couldnt believe it, but I didnt question it. OK, so my mum believes in something thats a little bit crazy. What do I say to that? (On a side note, I once visited a doctor when I was around 20ish about concerns over my vocal chords and he said it was fine, rest my voice a little is all that is necessary, but that if I wanted I could also try going to a place where they did homeopathic remedies and gave me some details on a piece of paper. At the time, like when my mum mentioned it, I just sat there blinking, thinking What? A medically trained doctor prescribing homeopathy? I left quietly and didnt bother with the magic water but, needless to say, if that happened again now I wouldnt leave without issuing a serious complaint!) Once again, when you believe something based on no evidence, nobody questions you. Why?
I think I figured out the answer to this recently: its impolite because it embarrasses the person you are questioning. They are embarrassed because they know what they believe, but they dont know why they believe. A belief based on true premises and logic is a conclusion and can be supported confidently. A belief not based on logical reasoning is faith and can only be supported through a stubborn refusal to accept the possibility of ones own fallibility.
Lets bring this last point back to the first two sections of this essay:
1. Growing up, I was used to people around me being open-minded and willing to accept the fact that sometimes they may be wrong and that if their reasoning was unsound they were grateful for any help where they may have made a mistake with reasoning.
2. I like to see people happy. I dont like to embarrass people. And Id seen now that all the things Id learned were useful as a kid were no longer useful if you wanted people to like you.
In short, I learned what was right and then decided that Im not gonna live by whats right. Im gonna live instead by lying to people in order to tell them what they want to hear instead of the truth because they seem to be happier that way, despite how wrong I can clearly see that to be, despite the harm it can do, and despite how unhappy it makes me.
Sometimes, the truth is inconvenient.
Coming out
The first was Tricks of the Mind by Derren Brown. It was brilliant, an absolute joy to read! Before I read that, I dont remember a time when I finished a book and immediately returned to page 1 to start all over again. Ive always been a fan of magic and mystery and fascinated by the art of deception and how the mind works, particularly our power to delude ourselves. But that book was a Trojan horse: it started by talking about magic and the art of the magician, but it was unlike any magic book Id ever read. It went into the mind of the spectator and covered in incredible detail the way that tricks are set up by good magicians in order to lead peoples thoughts in a certain way until it gets to the point where the spectator is doing most of the actually fooling work themselves. A person can fool themselves much more convincingly than anybody else can.
I could go on about it, but the key thing about that book that had an effect on me was the final section entitled Anti-science, Pseudoscience and Bad Thinking. It outlined the sceptical outlook nicely and really fired up my passion for clear, rational thinking. But I wont explain why until I get onto the second book that changed me: The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins.
Although its focus was, as the name suggests, on matters of religion, it is really simply a promotion of rational, critical thinking. In terms of the conclusions the book drew, it didnt really tell me anything that I didnt already know. As a professor of evolutionary biology, of course, he filled some of the gaps in my knowledge and understanding of evolution, and that was fascinating, but what I found so refreshing was the way that he didnt hold back from speaking honestly. The reader is never treated as somebody who needs to be comforted or reassured over your fears: youre treated with respect. Not in the sense of respect for your beliefs or ideas, but respect for your ability to think, to reason, to be brave and independent. Your intelligence is never insulted. It spoke very plainly about all the things you know but wont say: that the troubles in Northern Ireland are worsened by nationalism and religion; that female circumcision (and male circumcision for that matter) is something that we shouldnt accept simply because of an ancient belief system; that teaching kids in schools that the Earth is only 6000 years old is a gross disservice to the children; and that following faith blindly can lead, as Voltaire put it, to atrocities. For anybody who really cares about people (see above) it becomes clear that, uncomfortable as it may sometimes be, sometimes you really do have to be honest with people and tell them the truth.
Ill give you an example of how this honesty ties in with love:
Below is a video of a Kiai Master fighting a young MMA fighter. You can watch if you like, but Ill briefly summarize the main points if you cant be bothered.
1. This guy is a fighter who harnesses the power of chi. In the opening few seconds of the video, we see him using his powers on his students that he has trained. We see them rushing to attack him, only for him to knock them down without touching them by simply waving in their general direction. Next, we see him apparently fighting one of his students from a distance, knocking the poor guy about all over the place.
2. Impressed with his own power, he offers to fight anybody with a $5000 dollar prize for anybody who can beat him. Of course, nobody will be able to beat him because he will simply knock them down before they even get close to him.
3. A young guy trained in Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) says Sure, Ill fight you! He doesnt believe in chi and thinks the teachers students have simply been influenced by the teachers charisma. He hasnt drunk the dojo kool-aid.
4. The fight starts. And the young MMA fighter kicks the crap out of the old man.
I heard this video being discussed on a podcast and one of the people commenting said You know what these people are missing in their lives? Theyre missing people who really love them. And it makes sense to me. Before that old man stepped into the ring to be battered by a fit, highly-trained young fighter, where was this guys wife to say Honey you dont have magic powers! Where were his real friends, as opposed to simply his students who were so heavily influenced by his charisma that they fell into the belief system he was promoting?
If I announced that I could fly and that I was going to prove it tomorrow by gathering a crowd together at the Empire State Building to see my amazing demonstration where I will leap from the roof, flap my arms and soar around the citys skyline, I think a lot of people would probably turn up to view the spectacle, a lot of people probably just wouldnt care, and a few people who really cared about me would say Blake... you cant fly. No seriously, you cant! Dont do this, PLEASE!!
The people who care are the ones that give you the reality check.
So why is it that when somebody is about to do something that is clearly harmful or wrong or dangerous do we keep quiet if their reason for doing it is based on a non-evidence based belief?
There comes a point where you have to be brave and accept that by speaking out, some people arent gonna like what you have to say. My coming out, as I called it in the title of this section is about coming out as a skeptic, borrowed, of course, from the now common phrase used when gay or bisexual people become open about their sexuality. Why is it important to come out? Any out gay person will tell you that: you need to be true to yourself. Putting myself in their position, I cant imagine what itd be like to spend a whole lifetime pretending to be one thing when really youre something else, maybe even getting married and having kids, and all the time knowing that you can never have the life you really want simply because you cant just be open and honest.
In some small way, we can all identify with that. There are aspects of all of us that we dont want to make public for fear of how others will see us or how our views or opinions might upset those around us. Reading those books gave me the confidence to start speaking more openly about the things I believe in.
Happiness
The unexamined life is not worth living
- Socrates
I have never really respected myself. How can you respect yourself when you know something is wrong and yet you go along with it anyway, or keep quiet about it? You really get to the point where you think what is the point in me living?
And really, there is no point. For many, many years I just wanted to die: not in the seriously depressed sense, I was actually quite happy a lot of the time, but in the existentialist crisis sense. I just felt like there was no point. Whenever I sat and really thought deeply and philosophically about things, that was always my conclusion: there is no point. I might as well be dead. I hung on though because my survival instinct was too strong. And besides, there was always enough going on to distract me: there was a lot of fun to be had and quite often I had it! I had friends that made me laugh, there was always something coming up that I could get involved in. I had a pretty good life. But always, always lacking that self-respect.
One person changed that. When I met her, I could be 100% open and honest. I was never judged. My parents (I was living at home at the time) said later that when I met her they noticed changes in me that they couldnt quite explain. I certainly felt more confident and happy with the new-found comfort I had with myself.
When I switch my phone off and back on it opens with a welcome note that reads It really is a beautiful world after all! I put that on there a few years ago when we first got together: it was my reminder that if I ever felt down again to remember those feelings that I had then: the most important being a thought that I had after one text message that she sent me years ago. I remember thinking I could go through another twenty-three years of feeling the way I did my whole life just for this feeling again. This is worth everything. Every moment of pain, every feeling of self-doubt, everything bad ever ever ever in the past twenty-three years because I feel like this right now! I dont switch my phone off very often, so its rare that I see it and I always forget its there, but every time that I do see it, it works. No matter how shit Im feeling at the time, no matter how crap my day has been, it reminds me of that time and how amazing life can feel.
Things have broken down between us now. I dont know why, but they did. That doesnt change the fact that I loved her then and I still do now. It doesnt change the fact that life is worth living because of those times you can really be yourself and be proud of who you are, unashamed of who you are and know that somebody understands you and love you anyway.
I have somebody now who understands me and will support me and give me the confidence I need to speak plainly when its necessary and to live my life the way that I see as right: myself.
As I go through my life now I will say things that may lose me friends, things that might get me in trouble, things that will upset the people I care about the most. But I wont stop saying them. If my friend thinks he can fight using the power of chi, I will give him the reality check he needs to avoid getting his face smashed in; Ill be the voice that shatters a friends belief that they can fly if itll stop them leaping out of a window; Ill explain how alternative medicine works to somebody who is trying something whacky because theyre afraid of getting the operation that their doctor says they need.
I hope I wont end up alone. I have a lot of love to give and I want to give it as much as I can. But I know that Im setting myself up for a bumpy ride and whoever wants to join me better be prepared for the same thing. Maybe Ill never find someone like that.
But I will have that self-respect. And Ill be happy.
Im happy now. And life is definitely worth living.
(Final point)
Well that was worth waiting for!
Turns out Im just like you.
Scarily so.
I spent years with the stone cold belief that if you cant prove something how can you believe in it? (See: any major religion of the world, that Coventry city will one day regain premiership status) Blind faith in anything just doesnt wash with me.
Im a research scientist/engineer so everything I do in every hour on the job is, and must be, logically thought out and undertaken so that I can prove that X happened because wed changed Y and kept Z constant yadda yadda yaddaand not that X happened becauseermwell, it did, so magic must be responsible.
But Ive never wanted to offend people with my belief that their beliefs/ideas are all crap. I couldnt see the point of making someone unhappy by crushing their beliefs (whether it be something major like a great man in the sky created everything or something trivial like You need to suck the ice cubes in a gin and tonic as the ice cubes absorb the alcohol)
Then, and Im not sure if this comes with age, I grew tired of submitting to silence regarding everyone elses opinions and beliefs and an epiphany occurred.
Nowadays I really dont think people should be left to blindly believe what they want without at least considering what other explanations there are. (Blind faith just doesnt seem right to me)
When we have discussions now, I now explain what I believe and why (via proof), ask them to explain why they believe and what their proof is, examine what they believe what they believe rationally and logically and examine and explain why theyre wrong!
To quote Brian clough We talk about it for 20 minutes and then we decide I was right
I know that makes me sound like some ego driven know-it-all but honestly, Im not.
What I do know and care about, I know inside out and will defend my thoughts with logical reasoning and argument and wont back down.
But I also know a little about a lot of things (though as Alexander Pope said A little learning is a dangerous thing) so lots of my thoughts and beliefs arent grounded in fact but, dare I say it, what Ive assumed or what my parents instilled into me; so this leaves me open to continued learning so there are very few things where my beliefs cannot be swayed with cold hard logical facts.
Ive become a lot more outspoken in me old age but have also becom a lot more open minded about a lot of things