I got home about an hour ago from my trip up to Iga, aka the Birthplace of Ninja. Yes, my prefecture is famous for ninja. Iga also happens to be the birthplace of famed haiku poet Basho. Cool, huh?
I had gone up for Burns Night, a formal Scottish dinner. The guest list was split between Japanese and foreign (mostly JET) guests. I always approach JET functions with some trepidation, and this one was no different.
The problem is, the dynamic at most JET events ends up feeling like a high school popularity contest, and I always lose. And as much as I'd like to be above all that crap, I always come out of it feeling like shit. I always feel like I'm I'm not interesting enough to talk to, as I join conversations and people walk away. I'm not attractive enough, as people ask me to take pictures of them and their friends and never want me to be in the photos with them. And attention from the opposite sex? Forget it. The only person who asked me to dance was a middle-aged Japanese businessman
I go through phases where I'll hit a lot of JET events, then realize I don't like these people enough to bother going (it takes a lot of effort for me to get to any of these places from where I live), and I hole up in my town for a while. I think I'm at that point again now. I was finally making progress, finally taking better care of myself, exercising and losing weight and feeling confident again (because for a few months I was really low), and last night, overshadowed by "the beautiful people" I feel like I've fallen, if not completely, then definitely a few steps back from where I was, like no matter how much I improve upon myself I still can't compete.
It wasn't all bad, though. For the most part dinner was pleasant, and the post-party karaoke was fun, except for a few incidents (like a drunken asshole spilling half a beer on my purse and CAMERA- I think it's ok but if it's not, he'll definitely be hearing from me).
Plus, the hotel was right across from a used cd and game store. Since I live in the boonies, I have no idea where such a store exists around me, if at all, so I took the opportunity to stock up. A few weeks ago I won a DS, so I bought 4 new games (well, new to me, they're all used), along with 2 for my PS2, since I should have a working tv later this week.
I had gone up for Burns Night, a formal Scottish dinner. The guest list was split between Japanese and foreign (mostly JET) guests. I always approach JET functions with some trepidation, and this one was no different.
The problem is, the dynamic at most JET events ends up feeling like a high school popularity contest, and I always lose. And as much as I'd like to be above all that crap, I always come out of it feeling like shit. I always feel like I'm I'm not interesting enough to talk to, as I join conversations and people walk away. I'm not attractive enough, as people ask me to take pictures of them and their friends and never want me to be in the photos with them. And attention from the opposite sex? Forget it. The only person who asked me to dance was a middle-aged Japanese businessman
I go through phases where I'll hit a lot of JET events, then realize I don't like these people enough to bother going (it takes a lot of effort for me to get to any of these places from where I live), and I hole up in my town for a while. I think I'm at that point again now. I was finally making progress, finally taking better care of myself, exercising and losing weight and feeling confident again (because for a few months I was really low), and last night, overshadowed by "the beautiful people" I feel like I've fallen, if not completely, then definitely a few steps back from where I was, like no matter how much I improve upon myself I still can't compete.
It wasn't all bad, though. For the most part dinner was pleasant, and the post-party karaoke was fun, except for a few incidents (like a drunken asshole spilling half a beer on my purse and CAMERA- I think it's ok but if it's not, he'll definitely be hearing from me).
Plus, the hotel was right across from a used cd and game store. Since I live in the boonies, I have no idea where such a store exists around me, if at all, so I took the opportunity to stock up. A few weeks ago I won a DS, so I bought 4 new games (well, new to me, they're all used), along with 2 for my PS2, since I should have a working tv later this week.
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You're right to approach functions with a bit of "trepidation" as you say. They were so intimidating. But, to be fair, the social dynamic at those events is just human nature at its worst. When I was there, there were so many cliques amongst the US-Australian, UK-Australian, UK-NZ, NZ-US (you get the point) factions that it was easy to loose sight of the fact that we all were, basically, mobile English-speaking mannequins on display for the greater Japanese population. Once you and your colleagues figure that out, it's easy to get out and start doing "stuff".
Getting out and just being around other JET's is probably the best thing for you. I did the same thing you mentioned - cocooning myself - until about December. After that, I made a decided attempt to meet other people. As cheezy as it sounds, it really does help. I'm still in touch with a couple of them today. You can make some really great friends on JET. You've just gotta "put yourself out there", you know?
I'm now feeling really nostalgic, now. I think I'll go email some of my friends in Chiba.
I hope you're enjoying yourself. JET has the potential to be a great experience, regardless of how often the literature doesn't match the reality of living in a tiny Japanese town.