I just realised how much I love this website. It's a place I can come to and be my true self that my family and certain friends shouldn't see. I have to maintain some kind of innocence in my world, but here, I can be as dirty, filthy, smutty and naughty as I want, and no one will judge me. We're all on here for the same reason, right? We love girls, boobs, butts, pussy, tattoos, piercings, sex, and all the shit that's considered taboo in our normal lives. We come here to indulge our inner monsters, to fantasise, to post about our lives, start discussions, and be ourselves.
Right now I'm going to be myself. After yesterdays post I was in a dark mood. Not a bad mood, just a darker shade of my normal self. Rather than listening to the upbeat music that I sing my heart out to, I was listening to Slayer and Lamb of God. I fantasised about the idea of stabbing someone in the neck with a pen for asking the wrong question, then I fantasised about dancing on my ex's balls with knives attached to dancing shoes after seeing a video of a woman doing just that but instead on a grand piano. I was thinking about the comic book Johnny the Homicidal Maniac that this really cute guy lent to me, and thinking that Slayer's Catatonic would be the perfect theme tune to that comic.
See, the idea of fantasies is that they are just that: fantasies. What would make me really sick is if I acted them out. But instead I indulge my inner monster those fantasies, and feel the satisfaction that I am still sane... and innocent. There is no blood on my hands, and there won't be if I keep my monster well fed and satisfied. This is why I absolutely LOVE reading books. I can read a fictional book, or even write my own, where I can imagine and visualise the things I'd love to do, but would be put in a straight jacket and thrown in a padded room if I committed those acts. Music is another perfect outlet. Listening to brutal heavy metal whose lyrics illustrate horrific acts of disembowelment, torture and killing gives me the satisfaction of imagining it, realising that the lyrics and music were composed by perfectly normal people who wouldn't hurt a fly, and allowing myself the little daydream so that I can let it out and move on from the feeling. Bottling it up only leads to prolonged dark days, then the likelihood of snapping and committing one of your fantasies becomes dangerously higher.
Today I still feel the same, however listening to dark symphonies is more my cup of tea. I'll read some more of my book, and perhaps write some more of my own story, then I shall return to my happy, bubbly self who sings at full tit to Iron Maiden whilst taking selfies of me pulling a funny face. In fact, here's one for you now :-)
Good day everyone, and do make sure to feed your inner monster for me, and if you like, tell me how you like to feed him ;-)
