shezakiller

The Misadventures of Valerie and Anabelle

I'm going to try to post one of these every day as long as I don't run out of stories.

December 2005: Christmas Mouse

It was a cold winter night, about a week before Christmas, and I was sitting in my room pregnant, bored, and unable to sleep. I was living in a tiny three bedroom house with two other pregnant girls, their husbands, and a friend of theirs who was occupying the couch, so you can only imagine how crazy things were. I was just about to roll over and try to get some sleep when a loud shriek made me sit up in bed. I opened the door to see my roommate Sarah (other crazy pregnant girl) standing on one leg in the back corner of the hallway. I giggled, "What on earth are you doing?"
She pointed a shaky finger toward the living room and squealed, "Mouse!!! It ran across my foot!" As I looked, the tiny creature darted under the couch. Joining a mouse hunt sounded amusing at quarter-to-one in the morning, so I volunteered to help and waddled out to the living room. When I walked out I saw that ALL of the guys were standing outside, peeking through the window. Of course, I made them come back inside and help. We searched frantically for the rodent for quite some time, bravely putting our noses and ears in harm's way while looking under the furniture for the ferocious little creature. We all flinched and cowered like a bunch of sissies as it bolted out from under the couch and made a break for the entertainment center. We dove at it all at once as it darted around the living room like a little race car, jabbing at it with broomsticks and any other random object we could find worthy of mouse-poking.

Much to the amusement of us pregnant ladies, most of the men in the house found the little monster very intimidating, and would do a retard dance whenever it darted out from its hiding place. Even worse, one of them was so terrified he ran out the door and wouldn't come back in. Some of us crowded around the furniture, while others fought with our hideous, neon-blue monstrosity of a Christmas tree, which threatened to fall over if you breathed on it. We pushed and shoved and yelled, all squeezing into the same corner, trying to catch the mouse. And then, just when we thought we had him, he managed to dart through our legs and under the wood stove, and we all dove for it at once, wedging ourselves into a tight corner. i can only imagine how we must have looked, five asses all wedged together trying to fit behind a wood stove. Again the mouse darted out among us looking for an escape route, and I jumped and squealed, "Little fucker!!!" as all of us batted and poked at the poor little mouse. It took a dive underneath the wood stove again, which had burning wood in it. There was a brief moment of silence, which was broken by my tiny voice which loomed up and said, "Is it gonna cook under there?" This was followed by another wave of panic as everyone shoved and yelled while Sarah's hubby Nick, brave, valiant Nick, poked around in the hole with a broom handle. After a moment or two a very pissed off little mouse leaped out from under the stove, conspiring to wreak havoc on the murderer who tried to squish him with a broomstick. He glanced around for a moment, spotted Nick and lunged. He ran up the broom handle and then stopped to looked Nick dead in the eyes before pouncing. Suddenly Nick went from bravely poking around in a hole to yelping and bucking around the living room on all fours. We were all laughing so hard by then that of course the mouse got away, and we never saw it again.