shesnoangel

holy crap. i really shouldn't let my journal go this far back. this is UNHEARD of. anyways. i do have a genuine explanation.

a) i've been busy. believe it or not, i've managed to have a life outside of my comfy bedroom. like, wtf?

b) hard drive crash. thankfully and hopefully i can recover all of this years photographs. otherwise, it's a clean slate for...
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i'm getting out of the city again. this time further than before. farther away from the things i'm still hurt by, but slowly getting over.

i need to breathe fresh air, see a mountain sunset and feel alive.

there will be no cell phone reception or internet access (that i know of). so i'll be gone for a little while. although no one will...
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it's storming outside, and there's a breeze coming into my room. in the distance the sky has turned pink and orange. the smell of rain is drifting in. and this is the sort of night when i wish there was someone here. but instead, i'm going to enjoy this night, in my bed...alone. i'm quite content with that.

i'd be lying if i said i was okay.

i'm mad, i keep crying. i feel fucking depressed. i don't know how to be happy by myself. that's the honest to god truth.

i might be going to calgary the weekend of aug. 7-8. staying with an old friend who i've missed more than anything. i need to see him, and i need a hug.

i could very well die of sneezing tonight. the exhaustion of it is getting to me. all i want to do is lay down. but when i lay down i get bored. and when i get up, i start sneezing more.

the never ending cycle of someone with allergies.

thank freakin god the weekend is almost here.

i feel myself getting bored of everything. i haven't found anything good to occupy my mind with. instead i worry about bills i have no business worrying about. i think about him, which is bad in itself. i think about good sex i haven't nor am having with anyone. i hate my job, but i'm trying my best to not let it bring me...
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i've realized that in fact, i am carrie. and i have my mr. big. he broke my heart, then i broke his. but somehow we've both managed to change each other's lives. i've never lost contact with him, and always held a special place in my heart for him.

somehow it still bugs me when he feels like he can freely tell me about his...
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I'm hot. I can't figure out if it's fever hot, or weather hot. A cold has pervaded all my family members but has somehow managed to miss me. *knock on wood* I really don't want to get sick right now. I have a deadline, and I'd hate to push it back.

I have a canker sore on the bottom right of my mouth. It hurts...
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i have to wake up early tomorrow to clean the car before i go to the mall. i feel like i've been driving a garbage can on four wheels lately. i fucking hate sharing a vehicle.

went to a wedding tonight. unfortunately i didn't catch the bouquet. but does that really mean anything anyways?