sherrillee

Are You a Moderator or an Abstainer?

Often, we know wed have more long-term happiness if we gave up something that gives us a rush of satisfaction in the short-term. That morning doughnut, that impulse purchase, staying up too late watching TV.

A piece of advice I often see is, Be moderate. Dont have ice cream every night, but if you try to deny yourself altogether, youll fall off the wagon. Allow yourself to have the occasional treat, it will help you stick to your plan.

Ive come to believe that this is good advice for some people: the moderators. They do better when they try to make moderate changes, when they avoid absolutes and bright lines.

For a long time, I kept trying this strategy of moderation and failing. Then I read a line from Samuel Johnson: Abstinence is as easy to me as temperance would be difficult. Like Dr. Johnson, Im an abstainer.

I find it far easier to give something up altogether than to indulge moderately. When I admitted to myself that I was eating my favorite ice cream treat, Moose Tracks, two and even three times a day, I gave it up cold turkey. That was far easier for me to do than to eat Moose Tracks twice a week. If I try to be moderate, I exhaust myself debating, Today, tomorrow?" "Does this time count? etc. If I never do something, it requires no self-control for me; if I do something sometimes, it requires enormous self-control. (although I fell off the wagon - just this morning - I need to get this stuff out of the house.)

Theres no right way or wrong way its just a matter of knowing which strategy works better for you. If moderators try to abstain, they feel trapped and rebellious. If abstainers try to be moderate, they spend a lot of time justifying why they should go ahead and indulge.

People can be surprisingly judgmental about which approach you take. As an abstainer, I often get disapproving comments like, Its not healthy to take such a severe approach or It would be better to learn how to manage yourself or Cant you let yourself have a little fun? On the other hand, I hear fellow abstainer-types saying to moderators, You cant keep cheating and expect to make progress or Why dont you just go cold turkey? But different approaches work for different people. (Exception: with an actual addiction, like alcohol or cigarettes, people generally accept that abstaining is the only solution.)

Youre a moderator if you
-- find that occasional indulgence heightens your pleasure and strengthens your resolve
-- get panicky at the thought of never getting or doing something

Youre an abstainer if you
-- have trouble stopping something once youve started
-- arent tempted by things that youve decided are off-limits

Now, sometimes instead of trying to give something up, were trying to push ourselves to embrace something. Go to the gym, eat vegetables, work on a disagreeable project.

Perhaps this is the flip side of being an abstainer, but Ive found that if Im trying to make myself do something, I do better if I do that thing every day. When people ask me advice about keeping a blog, one of my recommendations is, Post every day, or six days a week. Weirdly, its easier to write a blog every day than it is to write it three or four times a week. I dont know how moderators feel about this. Moderators what do you think? Is it easier to go for a half-hour walk every day, or four times a week, for you?