Hey hey SG land,
this might be a bit uncommon knowing that lately I've only been updating my blog with SG Homework but this time I WANTED to let you know something.
The other day I was at this shooting, I was having fun as I always do, working my poses and so. And when we finished we decided to check the pictures. Then I saw something I did not like. I didnt like what I was seeing un the pictures. I noticed it a while ago but yesterday it was like it slapped my face. I've gained weight.
And I know I don't look "fat" or anything and I still have a nice figure and that I am healthy and all that but I just DON'T. FEEL. GOOD. When you model, and most Of the works you do are with little to no clothes on you become really body consciouss I guess, and I've become aware that I like myself more in pictures and feel more comfortable in my skin when I am a bit skinnier. And that's why I've decided to stop shooting for some time. Cause I want to take a break and work on me. Build a better me you know? so I can feel good again and give my best. I've gained 9 pounds from last summer, when I weighed 110 and now I am at 119.
You see this two pictures? They're quite similar. The one on the left was taken by the end Of last June, and I was 110 while the one on the right is more recent and I am 119. If you look closer it is noticeable mostly on the legs. I've never had skinny legs, on the contrary, I've always been the powerful thighs type Of girl, but now is just too much for me. Maybe I still look good in both, maybe there's just a tiny difference but for me it is enough to make me feel insecure.
I do exercise and try to eat healthy but while being unemployed it is hard for me to build a solid routine. Trips to the city to hand in my CV, visiting friends cause I get so bored at home (and yes I go and hit the gym but some days it is just too lonely), going to photoshoots,... it is all too unpredictable. Also I get saf and bored cause Of my lack Of Job and also cause of having my girl away. It breakes me. I feel so strong and capable Of anything when I am with get but when we are appart I go down. And sometimes yes, I do over eat (or snack too much, or not always do the healthier choices).
So, appart to keep on with the Job hunting, my goal now will be focusing on my body. I feel if I can control this, I will be more at peace. And then when I am ok in my skin again, I'll get back to shoot:)
I will still be updating my IG with selfies and daily pics, and still have a lot if things to come that I've already shot before so it is not like I am going to disappear. Also I still have some shootings left that were already booked but these will be the last ones. And then nothing... Until I come back.
And better:)
Love,
Sheer
