sheashannara

saw this really great post on Twitter yesterday that said (paraphrasing):

Shout out to suicidal people who are still here because of their loved ones. I know it hurts, but hopefully one day you will want to be here just as much as your loved ones want you here.

And I really felt seen. I'm pretty honest and open about it, but the only reason I'm still here is because I made a promise to my kids that I wouldn't kill myself. Otherwise, I'd have been dead YEARS ago. I feel like I'm in hell or limbo.

I don't enjoy being alive; this world is garbage, and it's getting worse, and for the most part the people in my life when I try and talk to them about this either blow it off, downplay it, or outright ignore it, so I feel really alone. Or worse, have people who say ignorant things like "it's all the immigrants fault!" or "The gays are why the world is messed up" like I'm on their "side" (I'm not, and you should try thinking for yourself for a change...)

And yes, I know others have it worse than me, but if you think that saying that is actually helpful, you're honestly pretty stupid (it's like if your house was burning down, and someone told you at least you're not being raped and murdered so you should be grateful).

Yes, maybe one day I'll actually want to be here, but I'm not holding my breath; I'm just here, because of a promise to people I don't want to let down, but that's the only reason I am.

P.S. If you use this post as an excuse to preach at or try and convert me, I will block you so fast (friends or family makes no difference). This was me being open and baring my soul, not anything else...