e^x goes to a party where a bunch of other functions are hanging out and having a good time, but e^x is just sitting in the corner looking miserable. after awhile, another function comes over to e^x and says "hey man! what are you doing over here moping? why don't you integrate yourself into the party and have a little fun?" and e^x says "i can't! i've tried integrating myself over and over and it never seems to make any difference!"
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"even if i did have the vagina, i'd still be wearing the pants"
means, you, my dear, are the one that's been PWNED!
you know, she didn't even get paid for that.