this weekend is the anniversary of one of the biggest events of my life
at this time of year i always think about what i have achieved and how much i have fucked my life up
i know that after reading about me alot of you wont like me anymore
but i figure you should know some history about me
im putting my truths on the table and want your opinions
this is a long read and if you dont want to bother i understand
well here goes
was thinking last night about what i would call the "bad" stage of my life.
heres my little story.
i was born with a facial disfigurement. i had an assymetry of the face from a tumor in my jaw. the left side of my face grew an inch and a half more than the right side. it got worse as i got older. it required about 15 years of dental work and i was told i couldnt have surgery until my face stopped growing. so i had to wait until i was 19 for surgery. anyway as you can imagine growing up was not fun. girls where complete bitches to me and guys tried to bully me. i guess its why i really got into lifting weights and martial arts as a way to increase my confidence, and also why i really got into films and books because it was better than reality.
so anyway i had my face fixed at 19,it was around about this time as well because i remember it was halloween and my face after the operation looked like a scary mask because of the stitches and swelling and bruising. im left with some lovely metal hinges in my jaw, plastic cheekbones and bare partial sensation feelings in my lower jaw.
well anyway it was amazing the reaction i got once i came out of hospital, i think the best way to sum it up was what one girl said to me at college " you look so much better now james since you had your face fixed". funny i always thought i was the same person. i took great pleasure in fucking as many girls as possible during my last year at college, all the ones who had joked about me and been mean. i then went to university the following september and did more of the same. i didnt feel bad at all about being a complete cunt and using as many girls as possible.
i guess the real bad point in my life is when drugs got involved. not long before my 21st birthday i was offered steroids for the first time. i was an arsehole before steroids, i turned into a much bigger arsehole after. i went from 180lbs to 240lbs at my biggest (im only 5,8). i had a weekend job at my sisters night club as a barman. my weekends pretty much involved getting as many girls drunk as possible and abusing and fucking them to the best of my abilities, and if there boyfriends complained i would just beat them up. i was that much of a prick. any given friday or saturday you would find me at 2am in the cellar or the office fucking girls, i think the highlight was a 4sum with 3 girls.
my drugs choice where cocaine, testosterone and viagra and alot of vodka. that was my normal consumption.
i was like this for 2-3 years and got to the point where my family where really concerned.
i stopped when i hit about 24.
at 25 i found the girl im with now and things have been amazing. im expecting my first son in a month and i weigh a slightly chunky 200lbs plus. im still doing some weights, wrestling and bjj but im not the aggresive arsehole i once was.
does anyone else have any point that they look back on as there "worst" point in there life?
heres a funny story about one of my experiences to lighten the mood.
when i was about 23 one of the guys from my gym had a job in a film and he asked a couple of us if we wanted to come up for a weekends work as extras and play "heavies". it was being shot in birmingham so 4 of us drove up from london. on the way we consumed a fair lump of coke. the actor guy rang me up and said he was at a house with some chick and that she had a friend who needed some company, he said she was a "mixed race girl who was a dancer" anyone who knows me knows thats ticking some big boxes for me. i had 2 viagras in my bag and i thought fuck it i dont want to share so i took both of them. the 3 other guys went to the hotel in birmingham and i got a cab to this girls house. my friend was with some really rough looking washed out pamela anderson wannabe and he introduced me to this girls friend. she wasnt mixed race she was just maltese slut but i didnt give a fuck at this point. within the hour i was upstairs fucking her. i had consumed two 100mg viagras, about a gram and a half of cocaine on the way up and the steroid i was on at the time was called virormone, its a testosterone that is given to guys with erectile disfunction and sends you a bit sex mad. and i was injecting over a gram of that a wee. fair to say i fucked this girl straight for 6 hours without cumming. it was kinda intense. she said no guy had ever been able to make her cum through penetration before but i did. i felt like i was conan the barbarian.
i was going home the next day but we exchanged numbers, i told her i had a powerlifting/strongman competition coming up in 2 months so i would be able to come up and see her after that. so i knuckled down and trained for this comp, i even put myself on a sex ban for the last four weeks. i consumed a vast amount of androgenic and anabolic steroids and was pretty much a working hard on come the day of the contest. i finished the contest at 3pm and got the first train up to birmingham. we had a greed i could come up and stay for a week.
the week that followed was pretty much depravity at its best. thesres not much i didnt do to that poor girl and she loved it. i think the nastiest point was when she asked me to piss in her mouth in the shower and she complained i tasted like medicine.
well anyway going up and seeing her became a regular thing.
every weekend i was going up there. but at this point i had come off drugs as i wanted a clear out after all the abuse i had put my body through. well now im becoming normal arent i and she starts to get bored. im not fucking her like a viking 7 times a day but instead im managing 3-4 times a day if im lucky. and im not abusing her in the bedroom.
so she finishes with me. aint that some shit. because i start being nice to her.
oh well. at least im off the drugs now.
growing up i was always the romantic, i remember there was a girl i loved from afar. i was so sappy and never got the nerve to tell her how i feel for years, when i was 17 i did tell her and i got the usual "i only see you as a friend" routine. my fantasy as a kid was happiness and love. how i changed from that guy to the guy i was when i was 21 i will never understand. i dont know. maybe im just feeling sorry for myself.
well anyway if you have read this far and dont completely hate me then thank you.
im not the person i was when i was but im also not the prick i was when i was 21. i guess im just a combination of all those experiences.
who knows.
anyway thats enough self flogging.
bye.
at this time of year i always think about what i have achieved and how much i have fucked my life up
i know that after reading about me alot of you wont like me anymore
but i figure you should know some history about me
im putting my truths on the table and want your opinions
this is a long read and if you dont want to bother i understand
well here goes
was thinking last night about what i would call the "bad" stage of my life.
heres my little story.
i was born with a facial disfigurement. i had an assymetry of the face from a tumor in my jaw. the left side of my face grew an inch and a half more than the right side. it got worse as i got older. it required about 15 years of dental work and i was told i couldnt have surgery until my face stopped growing. so i had to wait until i was 19 for surgery. anyway as you can imagine growing up was not fun. girls where complete bitches to me and guys tried to bully me. i guess its why i really got into lifting weights and martial arts as a way to increase my confidence, and also why i really got into films and books because it was better than reality.
so anyway i had my face fixed at 19,it was around about this time as well because i remember it was halloween and my face after the operation looked like a scary mask because of the stitches and swelling and bruising. im left with some lovely metal hinges in my jaw, plastic cheekbones and bare partial sensation feelings in my lower jaw.
well anyway it was amazing the reaction i got once i came out of hospital, i think the best way to sum it up was what one girl said to me at college " you look so much better now james since you had your face fixed". funny i always thought i was the same person. i took great pleasure in fucking as many girls as possible during my last year at college, all the ones who had joked about me and been mean. i then went to university the following september and did more of the same. i didnt feel bad at all about being a complete cunt and using as many girls as possible.
i guess the real bad point in my life is when drugs got involved. not long before my 21st birthday i was offered steroids for the first time. i was an arsehole before steroids, i turned into a much bigger arsehole after. i went from 180lbs to 240lbs at my biggest (im only 5,8). i had a weekend job at my sisters night club as a barman. my weekends pretty much involved getting as many girls drunk as possible and abusing and fucking them to the best of my abilities, and if there boyfriends complained i would just beat them up. i was that much of a prick. any given friday or saturday you would find me at 2am in the cellar or the office fucking girls, i think the highlight was a 4sum with 3 girls.
my drugs choice where cocaine, testosterone and viagra and alot of vodka. that was my normal consumption.
i was like this for 2-3 years and got to the point where my family where really concerned.
i stopped when i hit about 24.
at 25 i found the girl im with now and things have been amazing. im expecting my first son in a month and i weigh a slightly chunky 200lbs plus. im still doing some weights, wrestling and bjj but im not the aggresive arsehole i once was.
does anyone else have any point that they look back on as there "worst" point in there life?
heres a funny story about one of my experiences to lighten the mood.
when i was about 23 one of the guys from my gym had a job in a film and he asked a couple of us if we wanted to come up for a weekends work as extras and play "heavies". it was being shot in birmingham so 4 of us drove up from london. on the way we consumed a fair lump of coke. the actor guy rang me up and said he was at a house with some chick and that she had a friend who needed some company, he said she was a "mixed race girl who was a dancer" anyone who knows me knows thats ticking some big boxes for me. i had 2 viagras in my bag and i thought fuck it i dont want to share so i took both of them. the 3 other guys went to the hotel in birmingham and i got a cab to this girls house. my friend was with some really rough looking washed out pamela anderson wannabe and he introduced me to this girls friend. she wasnt mixed race she was just maltese slut but i didnt give a fuck at this point. within the hour i was upstairs fucking her. i had consumed two 100mg viagras, about a gram and a half of cocaine on the way up and the steroid i was on at the time was called virormone, its a testosterone that is given to guys with erectile disfunction and sends you a bit sex mad. and i was injecting over a gram of that a wee. fair to say i fucked this girl straight for 6 hours without cumming. it was kinda intense. she said no guy had ever been able to make her cum through penetration before but i did. i felt like i was conan the barbarian.
i was going home the next day but we exchanged numbers, i told her i had a powerlifting/strongman competition coming up in 2 months so i would be able to come up and see her after that. so i knuckled down and trained for this comp, i even put myself on a sex ban for the last four weeks. i consumed a vast amount of androgenic and anabolic steroids and was pretty much a working hard on come the day of the contest. i finished the contest at 3pm and got the first train up to birmingham. we had a greed i could come up and stay for a week.
the week that followed was pretty much depravity at its best. thesres not much i didnt do to that poor girl and she loved it. i think the nastiest point was when she asked me to piss in her mouth in the shower and she complained i tasted like medicine.
well anyway going up and seeing her became a regular thing.
every weekend i was going up there. but at this point i had come off drugs as i wanted a clear out after all the abuse i had put my body through. well now im becoming normal arent i and she starts to get bored. im not fucking her like a viking 7 times a day but instead im managing 3-4 times a day if im lucky. and im not abusing her in the bedroom.
so she finishes with me. aint that some shit. because i start being nice to her.
oh well. at least im off the drugs now.
growing up i was always the romantic, i remember there was a girl i loved from afar. i was so sappy and never got the nerve to tell her how i feel for years, when i was 17 i did tell her and i got the usual "i only see you as a friend" routine. my fantasy as a kid was happiness and love. how i changed from that guy to the guy i was when i was 21 i will never understand. i dont know. maybe im just feeling sorry for myself.
well anyway if you have read this far and dont completely hate me then thank you.
im not the person i was when i was but im also not the prick i was when i was 21. i guess im just a combination of all those experiences.
who knows.
anyway thats enough self flogging.
bye.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
I can only imagine what life must've been like for you. But thank god you lived through it, it could've killed you but didn't. and now you've emerged a beautiful person, body and soul.