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screaminglife

Member Since 2007

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Saturday

Jan 30, 2016
5
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I haven't got a blog right now. There's nothing you could use the word "maintained" to describe, at least, so when I find myself wanting to write, I'm at a bit of a loss. Why not here on SG, then?

I play in a band. Not professionally, although we make some money here and there for what we do. We have a Friday night house slot every couple of weeks or so at a pub that's very near and dear to our hearts, doing 90's rock tunes via acoustic guitar and djembe. Some of the stuff we do is obvious, Nirvana-by-way-of-Unplugged. Some of it is one hit wonders (Lit, I'm looking in your direction). But we try to do some more interesting things, as well, like our cover of NIN's "Closer", which our audiences frequently can't seem to believe they're seeing us perform.

We've been doing this for, unbelievably, six years or so. I can't believe it's been that long. The band's existed in various configurations since then, but back when we started, we were a three-piece with a lead guitarist named Matt.

Matt first crossed my path in 2008. I'd gotten divorced the year before, and my gigging had completely fallen by the wayside while I was trying to build a career to support what I'd assumed would be my growing family. It didn't turn out that way, and when my ex-wife and I went our separate ways, performing was something I felt a strong need to reclaim. I started hitting every open mic I could find to try and work off the rust, try to meet some like-minded people, and to attempt to remember how to ply my craft. And it was in this state of mind and at one such open mic that I met Matt.

We hit it off immediately. Matt was outgoing, intellectual, and interesting, and when we started jamming together, there was instant chemistry. He could play, too. The problem was substance abuse. Matt was in the city getting treatment to try and overcome his demons. Alcohol was one thing, but booze led to excess. Excess led to cocaine, and coke dismantled anything good that the guy ever seemed to put together.

I played with Matt for a year or so, and we founded my band together. It slowly became clear to me over that time that having him in my band wasn't doing him any favours. I couldn't rely on him, which was the cold, practical part of the equation, but mostly it was that I was failing him as a friend. He would be clean for varying periods of time over that stretch, then inevitably fall off the wagon. What I came to realize was that having him in the band was enabling his habits, and that as his friend, I was putting him in a position that was detrimental to his sobriety. It was my first real experience with an addict, and I can't overstate how heartbreaking it was to repeatedly see such a creative and talented artist and beautiful human being tear down his world around himself.

So we kicked him out of the band. And he moved shortly thereafter, hit rock bottom. There was an arrest and a conviction. But then, something seemed to change. Matt moved out to the west coast and started to rebuild himself from the ground up out there, with the help of a new environment and new people and a ton of rehab.

Matt moved back to the province last week, and was in town last night. We played a show, and he joined us for about six or seven songs. It was an incredible experience. There was energy I can't describe in playing these songs with him again for the first time in so long, mixed with the joy of having my friend back and seeing him so healthy.

Thanks for reading, if you have. I really needed to share that with someone.

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