THE PHANTOM PLANET, 1961 B&W
Spaceship is damaged by a meteor that suddenly appears in front of them. Astronaut Chapman is drawn toward an asteroid and lands. Stepping onto the surface he passes out. When he comes to he is faces with very tiny humans, a few inches tall. Lilliputian, one might say. And better yet, when his helmet gets accidentally opened, he shrinks to their size as well. They capture mini-Chapman and put him on trial when he defended himself. He finds out the planetoid is called Raithon? And even though he’s found guilty he’s set free. Ah, they have small sized oxygen on Raytheon? so it shrinks people to match their oxygen. Ooookay. Being captured he’s expected to be productive, and take a mate? He gets to choose between two women. A very forceful society indeed. Meanwhile, mini-Chap’s ship is set adrift and found by Earth. Mini-Chap then has a fight to the death with someone over the 2 women, mini-Chap wins, but can’t kill the other mini, despite everyone yelling “Kill him! Kill him!” Bloodthirsty little people. A plan is hatched to get Chapman into his spacesuit, where the larger oxygen will restore his size. Suddenly the Solorites attack with flaming rocks, shooting through space. The minis fight them off with gravity pulses. For some reason they have a Solorite captive, kinda like a zoo exhibit. It escapes and is fascinated by the mute woman, Zetha, kidnapping her, of course. Mini-Chap to the rescue. Zetha finds her voice. Phew, that was close. Mini-Chap falls for formerly-mute Zetha, but he has to return to Earth. So into his suit and the large oxygen molecules makes him big once again. Chapman is rescued. Ahhh, Rheton! I looked it up.
Favorite lines:
Liara: “He would have killed you. But that’s okay, I can love you anyway.” Mini-Chap didn’t kill anyone, but she can still love him. How sweet.
PLANET OUTLAWS, 1953 B&W
Ah, Buck Rogers and his buddy…Buddy crash their dirigible in the arctic and are frozen in perfect preservation. Centuries later they are discovered and…whoosh, suddenly they are revived and standing on a spaceship going 5000 mph! Golly! They meet Lt. Wilma Deering and Doctor Huer and find they’ve been on ice (HA!) for almost 500 years. Killer Kane is blockading Earth, so Buck decides his time crashing a dirigible makes him an expert at flying a spaceship to get to Saturn to get help. And bets that he crashes this one too? So with much smoke and sparks, off they go, flying the most ungainly looking ships ever. Yup, he crashed. And get captured. Twice. And escape. Boy, life with Buck and Buddy is just a series of ups and downs! No help from Saturn. And crash again. Suddenly we have a uniform change and are dressed as Kane’s men, to spy on them. They convince Prince Talon to come meet with Dr. Huer. Let me just say Earthforce’s uniforms are horrible and they wear shower caps. Anyway, Prince Talon agrees to sign a treaty with Huer and off goes Buck et al to Saturn to let them know they’re at war with Kane. Then back to Earth, where they decide they need to Saturn to work with them immediately to attack Kane. Sooooo back to Saturn…again. They really need to work on their communications. Also, Kane’s blockade is full of holes, like swiss cheese, Buck keeps running back and forth through it. Whoa, wait, Prince Talon was kidnapped. Off screen apparently. So Buck and Buddy head to Kane’s to rescue him, in doing so turn one of Kane’s hench-Ministers (Kringle? Krinkle? Krinko?) against Kane. Fisticuffs. Kane kinda looks like Groucho Marks. They bum-rush Kane and defeat him, God blessing Democracy and America while doing so. Gack!
Favorite lines:
Narrator: “While travel to other planets is today quite impossible, by the year 2000 it might be commonplace.” Sigh. Nope.
Buddy: “500 years?!? That makes me old enough to be my own grandfather.” Oh Buddy, it’s a bit more than that. Now shut up!
Buck: “Why don’t you go take a nap, Wilma. I’ll take the controls.” No Wilma, this man is used to flying dirigibles!
Saturn Minister: “I’ve heard enough. Revolutionaries or not, throw them all into prison.” With that sort of system, their prisons must be really crowded!
Buck: “And no one will sign this treaty until I show the Prince why you are called Killer Kane.”
Kane: “Don’t be a fool, Rogers. If you persist in this I will have to kill you.” Well, that right there should show the Saturnians why he’s nicknamed “Killer”.
Buddy: “I wouldn’t exactly call Dr. Huer’s face handsome, but I’d sure like to see it about now.”
Buck: “Hahahaha, I bet you would.” Oh yes, I bet you would.