ATTACK OF THE MONSTERS, 1969 Color
Boy, Gamera (the Japanese turtle monster/hero) sure loves little children. In this case he takes time off from his busy schedule to help two little boys who find a spaceship and go joy riding to a planet where giant monsters are battling for no reason. They find 2 space women who say they are the only ones on the planet. Boys invite them to invade…I mean come back with them to Earth. The women run a check on the boys to make sure they aren’t poisonous, because they intend to use them as rations! Yikes! Using a dart gun, the boys eventually defeat the Space Women, but now their pet monster attacks. Will Gamera be able to save the boys? **sigh** Sadly, yes. Favorite lines:
Boy 1: “I’ll bet Gamera is going mach 3 at least.”
Boy 2: “Idiot, he’s going mach 33 I am sure. Mach 60 and he leaves the solar system.” Don’t mess with this kid; he knows his scienc-y stuff.
Space Woman 1: “Yes, if we eat their brains raw we gain all of the knowledge stored throughout the ages. It will help us adapt.” I guess that explains zombies.
Space Woman 2 (Shatner-ing): “Wait. Stop. Help…me. I’m…stuck here.”
Favorite Monster: The reptilian looking thing that has a knife blade for a head and shoots throwing stars from the nostrils. I kid you not.
SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS, 1964 Color
Nope. No way. Not a chance I will ever watch this again. You do it. Basically, Santa conquers the Martians by using runaway consumerism and toys for Martian children. MST3k did it’s best to make this palatable, but not even their comments could help get through this…abomination.