im fucking falling apart and i suppose that can be quantified by how many journal entries i make here in a week. not sick : maybe 4 entries a month. sick: at LEAST 4 a week.
i've had many firsts lately.
first time i lost my voice: this weekend. i been calling everyone and making them talk to me.
first time i got a bloody nose: today. i thought i was dying. i was in the shower and all of the sudden... blood... everywhere. i looked up to see if there was a bucket with a string attached. like, EVERYWHERE. im looking up and down trying to figure what i nicked... nothing. orifices... mouth ... ok ... nose... not ok. oh , look, it's coming out of my FACE. blah. that shit was disgusting & if i weren't so sick i would've ran for the camera immediately.
first time i looked at a man and wanted to hug him and beat the piss out of him at the same time : this weekend. i listened to the angel on my shoulder, did the former and walked away. i'm really not sure who is inhabiting my body anymore. of the 3 emotions that fluttered around... sadness, irritation and disappointment, disappointment prevailed.
first time i got a filling: sunday. AWESOME i love it .... i got five more to get done and im looking forward to it. DELTA DENTAL RULES ... novocaine , like, rules. and for the past 3 years my teeth have been sensitive to hot and cold and sugar ... easter candy season has arrived 3 times and three times its mocked me. so i tested my tooth with chocolate. sweet, sweet chocolate. THERE WAS NO PAIN
that must've been the tooth thats been bothering me the most. i fucking love it.
first time being at a bar completely sober: this weekend. and it was no real treat. in fact, it really sucked.
first time in a month in a half that i didn't feel really weird being around people without a cigarette in my hand: this weekend.
first time i talked to the jason on the phone in months: saturday. and he was laughing hysterically at my voice. then put his lady on the phone to talk to me, and she sounded rather confused because she didn't know what the fuck i was saying.
i told my boss yesterday that i would need to transfer in may ... i thought she was going glare at me and reply "oh. ok" and then release her fiery wrath from hell on me for the remaining time i am here. instead she looked at me, processed it all, and then said "what does your mother think about this?" umm, hello, have i missed something here?
can someone fast forward everything 2 years and wake me up when i'm 30? great thanks.
i've had many firsts lately.
first time i lost my voice: this weekend. i been calling everyone and making them talk to me.
first time i got a bloody nose: today. i thought i was dying. i was in the shower and all of the sudden... blood... everywhere. i looked up to see if there was a bucket with a string attached. like, EVERYWHERE. im looking up and down trying to figure what i nicked... nothing. orifices... mouth ... ok ... nose... not ok. oh , look, it's coming out of my FACE. blah. that shit was disgusting & if i weren't so sick i would've ran for the camera immediately.
first time i looked at a man and wanted to hug him and beat the piss out of him at the same time : this weekend. i listened to the angel on my shoulder, did the former and walked away. i'm really not sure who is inhabiting my body anymore. of the 3 emotions that fluttered around... sadness, irritation and disappointment, disappointment prevailed.
first time i got a filling: sunday. AWESOME i love it .... i got five more to get done and im looking forward to it. DELTA DENTAL RULES ... novocaine , like, rules. and for the past 3 years my teeth have been sensitive to hot and cold and sugar ... easter candy season has arrived 3 times and three times its mocked me. so i tested my tooth with chocolate. sweet, sweet chocolate. THERE WAS NO PAIN
that must've been the tooth thats been bothering me the most. i fucking love it.
first time being at a bar completely sober: this weekend. and it was no real treat. in fact, it really sucked.
first time in a month in a half that i didn't feel really weird being around people without a cigarette in my hand: this weekend.
first time i talked to the jason on the phone in months: saturday. and he was laughing hysterically at my voice. then put his lady on the phone to talk to me, and she sounded rather confused because she didn't know what the fuck i was saying.
i told my boss yesterday that i would need to transfer in may ... i thought she was going glare at me and reply "oh. ok" and then release her fiery wrath from hell on me for the remaining time i am here. instead she looked at me, processed it all, and then said "what does your mother think about this?" umm, hello, have i missed something here?
can someone fast forward everything 2 years and wake me up when i'm 30? great thanks.
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
its was good seeing you again though. see you around.
dont forget that waitress and take your echinacea to feel better.