So here it is, my first entry into the world that is Suicide Girls...
I've decided to maintain my SG journal a little better than I was my livejournal. Why the name Sassitude, you ask? It was Leslie's creation for me a few weeks ago, when we were bowling. Since she's leaving in a week or so, I figured I'd use her cleverness in some part of my journal. Or maybe it was for lack of a better name, I don't know.
Lately I've been feeling an overwhelming sense of anxiety and stress. There is not enough time in the day, ever. The fact that I have so much to do and so little time has really been taking its toll on me. I can pretty much blame this all on my job, but there are a few other contributing factors, too. At work, I feel like I'm being stretched to my absolute limit. I'm sick of people saying my job looks "fun". It very well could be, but the way my bosses are running that place basically makes it intolerable at times. The hours they schedule me for consistently conflict with my job responsibilities, and the staffing is never sufficient. I've been working quite a few longer-than-8-hour days, and this working at 5 am is really starting to get to me. I don't think it helps that I have something better to compare it to, either. I think about the bank, when I had steady shifts, a solid hour lunch, immediate benefits, and cooperative bosses. I miss it.
I've also been lacking any sort of creative or relaxing outlet to resort to during times like this, simply because of lack of time. For example, I spent about 45 minutes surfing the site today and setting up an account, which is the first enjoyable thing I've done in awhile, aside from watching a few movies. Afterward, and even as I'm writing this, I feel slightly guilty, like i should be doing something more productive. I want to shake that feeling, get rid of it altogether. I want to start projects. Pick up hobbies. Complete unfinished business. Check out new things, discover what is out there for me besides this mundane life.
I also need a new guy, or maybe a new really good friend. I love my friends, but lately I've been feeling a bit detached from them. Again, my job restricts me from spending late nights with them very often....but at the same time, I don't want to spend every night at Jenna's house, inviting all these people over, and drinking. Too many of these nights has resulted short-term "relationships" with guys whose primary concerns include their fast cars, drinkin' pbr, and passing out on strangers' couches. Uhh...no thanks. I just miss the general companionship and affection you enjoy from having someone else around. Ah well.
I've decided to maintain my SG journal a little better than I was my livejournal. Why the name Sassitude, you ask? It was Leslie's creation for me a few weeks ago, when we were bowling. Since she's leaving in a week or so, I figured I'd use her cleverness in some part of my journal. Or maybe it was for lack of a better name, I don't know.
Lately I've been feeling an overwhelming sense of anxiety and stress. There is not enough time in the day, ever. The fact that I have so much to do and so little time has really been taking its toll on me. I can pretty much blame this all on my job, but there are a few other contributing factors, too. At work, I feel like I'm being stretched to my absolute limit. I'm sick of people saying my job looks "fun". It very well could be, but the way my bosses are running that place basically makes it intolerable at times. The hours they schedule me for consistently conflict with my job responsibilities, and the staffing is never sufficient. I've been working quite a few longer-than-8-hour days, and this working at 5 am is really starting to get to me. I don't think it helps that I have something better to compare it to, either. I think about the bank, when I had steady shifts, a solid hour lunch, immediate benefits, and cooperative bosses. I miss it.
I've also been lacking any sort of creative or relaxing outlet to resort to during times like this, simply because of lack of time. For example, I spent about 45 minutes surfing the site today and setting up an account, which is the first enjoyable thing I've done in awhile, aside from watching a few movies. Afterward, and even as I'm writing this, I feel slightly guilty, like i should be doing something more productive. I want to shake that feeling, get rid of it altogether. I want to start projects. Pick up hobbies. Complete unfinished business. Check out new things, discover what is out there for me besides this mundane life.
I also need a new guy, or maybe a new really good friend. I love my friends, but lately I've been feeling a bit detached from them. Again, my job restricts me from spending late nights with them very often....but at the same time, I don't want to spend every night at Jenna's house, inviting all these people over, and drinking. Too many of these nights has resulted short-term "relationships" with guys whose primary concerns include their fast cars, drinkin' pbr, and passing out on strangers' couches. Uhh...no thanks. I just miss the general companionship and affection you enjoy from having someone else around. Ah well.
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I've been itching for a project myself lately, my normal hobbies have been feeling stagnant. And I can empathize with the needing a new guy/friend/what not (well, girl in my case). My only romantic dalliance in Portland has been of the short-term, "I say I'll call you again but never will" sort of variety. This is an easy town to meet people, but a hard town to truly connect with someone, I'm finding.